Tuesday

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Now for an update on the endocrinologist.  K. does not want to ask the specialist for "charity."  He would rather I go to the charity hospital. So I will have to go through the emergency room and enter my name into the system and wait until they have an opening.  I called and charity has  a part time endocrinologist and there is a waiting list.  I was wanting to go to a regular clinic and even pay so that I could already be on the road to getting better.  I know the Lord with take care of it for me the way He wants it to happen.
 
My sweet granny is not doing good. She does not want to eat and has lost seven pounds of what little weight she has.  My aunt has been taking her to every type of doctor she can think up because granny says her mouth hurts. Granny says that is why she refuses to eat or drink the protein shakes. The doctors can not find anything wrong. Granny is ninety-nine years old and I think she is just tired. Tired of being here on earth and needing someone to take care of her.  She has to wear adult diapers because she is losing control of her bodily functions.  In her younger days she always took care of everyone and everything and was always on the go at a quick pace. Now she isn't able to do anything on her own and I feel she is ready to give up.

I made myself leave the house this morning and go to wallyworld to get some much needed groceries.  It has become such a chore for me that I avoid it as long as possible. If I don't leave the house early in the morning I will not go anywhere.  I don't like shopping for food because I can't buy what I want; I have to just get the necessities. I have add everything up as I go  so I will know when to stop. And if I have too much in the grocery cart and I haven't picked up every thing I need; I have to start removing items from the cart. After all that hassle, I have to bring it home and put it up. Then the fun part, I have to decide what I am going to cook. Usually I don't want to cook anything that I brought home. Well today I surprised myself and I bought the worst things possible. I bought a week's worth of frozen meals. Isn't that awful!!!! They are full of sodium, fat and preservatives.  All the things I am not suppose to eat. But I cook and K.  wants junk food. I don't think it is right for me to stand all that time in the kitchen and do home cooking and he comes home and wants just a sandwich.  Then I eat for two or three days just so I don't have to throw it out. K.  doesn't eat leftovers the next day either.  Buying frozen dinners lets you know how tired I am because I love to cook. 

I have just about quick doing all my favorite things.  My brain and body does not want to do anything.  Some days all I want to do is sleep.  I don't fight it like I used to; I let my body rest, I sleep.

My mom has called me every day to ask me how I am feeling ever since I told her what the doctor said. Now I have  had this problem for several years and she never asked.  I guess it took a doctor saying it out loud.  But she is beginning to bug the hell out of me. I have told her that I will not feel better until I have treatment; it is not going to go away by itself.   This morning I told her I feel good, how do you feel?  Mom says, "Oh, what did you do different?" I have told her not to ask me how I am feeling anymore.  Also I asked her not to discuss me with anyone and she as told all the family and friends and a lot more people. How to I know this?  Mom let me know that I have a cousin and an aunt that had the surgery and she was surprised that no one had told her.  Duh!!!!!! Not everyone has my mom's compulsive disposition to tell it all on the grapevine.  She has diarrhea of the mouth and it gets her in trouble with the family but she hasn't learnt to stop, even at her age. But I count my blessings, I do have my mom.

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For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10