O Lord, Be Merciful Unto Me

---

I find myself in a strange mood. I can't seem to function. Pacing from one room to another, I feel like I am living in a locked cage. If I am not pacing, I am standing and staring out a window. From there I collapse onto the couch, unable or unwilling to pull myself out of the slump I have allowed myself to fall into.

Why is life complicated or why am I so weak that I can not find a way to change the way that I am living? I don't feel that I am living; I feel that I am taking up space.

Acceptance of my life comes at times and I can face each new day with gladness in my heart. The repetition of degradation slowly begins to take its toll again and my flesh weakens and I allow myself to fall again. God does not like a complaining person and until I can control this worldly part of me I feel I will be trapped.

I have tried to quiet the inner turmoil to better hear God's guidance. Only He can help me recover my strength. "....thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God."

Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O Lord; let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually perserve me. Psalms 40:11