I have been fighting a very bad cold. I am very sluggish but I am trying to get ready for this coming weekend. Christmas doesn't feel like Christmas. I guess K being sick is uppermost on my mind and I can't deal with too much else.

My blood tests came back showing I have a low calcium level and my parathyroid level is borderline. The doctor I spoke with this time said to take a tums in the middle of the day and a calcium supplement in the morning and evening. Right now they aren't concerned with the increase in my parathyroid level and I have an appointment to go back in April. I asked him if my hair falling out and my fingernails being soft as paper was from the low calcium level. He said he didn't think it was related. And didn't offer any suggestions as to what it could be and who I could see about it.

I know I haven't been feeling good but there is so much going on in my life right now. I don't want to complain but I would love to not have be the person responsible for taking care of every thing. I am so tired all the time. I came home last night and fell asleep on the couch a little after seven. When I woke up at 7:30, I got up and put my sleeping clothes on and went to bed. I didn't wake up when K came home. He said he talked to me but I didn't move a muscle. I woke up at 8:30 this morning and finally felt a little rested. Every weekend I sleep and am energized by monday. By friday I am so exhausted sometimes I wonder if I am going to make it home from work. I know I am not eating right. I still don't have an appetite. When I do eat it is usually some form of junk food. I am not drinking enough water or really any kind of liquid. Most days I drink only a can of coke the whole day. I fill my thermal mug with ice and a coke and I am still drinking on it by evening. Not a good thing I know. Only twelve ounces of coke a day is definitely not good for the kidneys. I tell myself all the things I need to change and I can't find the energy to put my plans into motion.

I thought we had finally received help for two of K's prescriptions. Actually, we were accepted by the organization but there seems to be a problem getting the prescriptions to us. The organization sent a letter saying they were sending the medicine to K's physician and we had to make plans to pick it up. I went to his doctor but they didn't know any thing about it. I called the company and they say they mailed it in november to the clinic and it was refused. I called the clinic and they say it is suppose to be mailed to our home address. I told them the company mailed it to the clinic and we are suppose to pick it up there. Well, it still isn't straightened out. My brain is getting tired trying to figure out how to take care of us.

K was prescribed dilaudid to help him rest at night. I went to the drugstore where the cancerservice set up an account to help with his pain medication. They don't help pay for his four other lung medicines. At least they help us with his oxygen and pain medications. I thank the Lord for that. Anyway, the drugstore didn't have it on hand, it had to be ordered and it could take a few weeks. I asked them how much the prescription would cost and it was $80 for generic and $127 for name brand. We had already used our allotted money from the cancerservice so this was going to be all our expense. I decided to try another pharmacy instead of waiting for them to order it. I called walmart pharmacy and they don't keep it on hand either. I called another drugstore and yes they had it on hand. I went to get it and was surprised when it only cost $52. So I asked them what they charged for lortab, the other pain medicine K takes. They charge $80 compared to the other drugstore's cost of $113. I had assumed that every drugstore charged the same for medicine. I feel so dumb and stupid. All this time we could have been saving about $60 dollars a month. I will be calling around and finding the best cost for K's other medicines. I called the cancerservice to see if they would switch our account to the more reasonable drugstore and they agreed to.

K is falling asleep while he is eating again. I asked him if he was falling asleep when he was driving and he said no. His legs are swelling and I worry that he is going into heart failure like he did when he was in the hospital. Lord help me to be strong when I feel so weak.

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Mine eyes are ever toward the Lord; for he shall pluck my feet out of the net. Turn thee unto me, and have mercy upon me; for I am desolate and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged: O bring thou me out of my distresses. Look upon mine affliction and my pain; and forgive all my sins.
Psalms 25:15-18