Another week over and a new one started. Life has been chaotic around here. I am ready to lie down and not get up. I keep asking why God, why?

I don't have Lulu. We found her another home. I miss her and at the same time there is relief that I don't have that responsibility any more. I plan to visit her real soon.

My motherinlaw is in the geriatric psychiatric ward at a hospital. She had a nervous breakdown. The doctors are still taking tests to make sure it isn't something physical. She has never gotten over my fatherinlaw divorcing her last year and now added to that is K's terminal cancer. She refused to take the depression medicine her doctor prescribed for her.

K is taking it hard. He cries every time he talks about his mom. She has stayed mad at all her children because they are still close to their dad. She wanted them to have nothing to do with him when he left her for a 38 year old woman, who is almost half his age and the same age as his youngest son. They explained to her that they hate what he did but they still love him and want to spend time with him. She couldn't accept that. She even told me not to speak to my fatherinlaw anymore and I told her I couldn't be that way. She wanted us to choose sides; said we had to love him or her, not both. It has been hard on her but hard on all of us, too.

I have a lot of reasons to be thankful and I give thanks and praise to God. I know I shouldn't question the happenings in my life but I am only human. When K was in the hospital this last time, our house could have burnt down with Lulu in it. For several mornings before I left to go to the hospital, I thought I smelt something burning. I never could place the smell but I checked everything to make sure nothing was on before I left. Like the stove top, oven, crock pot, coffee pot, toaster oven, hot rollers, curling iron; I even checked to see if maybe the heater had been turned on my accident. I made sure all the fans were turned off. One evening I took Lulu outside as soon as I came home and then went to feed her. That morning I had left the bag of puppy chow on the counter instead of putting it up because I was in a hurry. While I was pouring the food, I realized that the bag was very warm. I thought how usual, what is going on? I also noticed that the hot smell was again in the house. I looked around for any red lights that would indicate I had left something on but didn't see any. I thought about the bag of puppy chow and how hot it was and remember it had been sitting on the counter by the toaster oven. I looked and the toaster oven was off. Still, I went and checked and the toaster oven was very hot. I checked the on/off switch and it was off but the outside of the toaster oven was hot to touch. I immediately unplugged it and said a prayer of thanks to my Savior for watching over us.

God is with me always. I only wonder what He is trying to teach me through all the trials and tribulations that I have constantly having in my life. Will I only have rest after I die? It has been one thing after another for 32 years and I am getting so so tired of struggling with daily life. God has taken care of everything; I couldn't have done it myself. So why do I feel drained? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I turn loose of the worry and fear?

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O love the Lord, all ye his saints: for the Lord preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.
Psalm 31:23-24