I feel myself going into a slump. I haven't wanted to get out of bed in the mornings. I thank God for each day and I thank Him for loving me and I bury my head under the covers. Eventually, I get up and then it is a struggle to keep moving; to keep myself motivated. I don't want to do house work, I don't want to do yard work. I end up reading a book or sitting in front of the tv, not really watching it, just kinda zoned out. Right before time for work, I get dressed and fix my hair and leave the house. When I was at the doctor last, I told him that the zoloft was not helping me much, that I still had days that I cried a lot. He told me that there was nothing else he could give me. I hope when I go back, the doctors will be more understanding.

K is never here. I am still only getting to see him maybe two hours a day. I think that is what saddens me. He doesn't make the time to be with me, even when I beg. It is a shame but I do beg and plead with him to do something together. He leaves the house while I am asleep and comes home when I am asleep. I try to stay awake to wait up for him at night, but lately I have not been able to keep my eyes open and I am falling asleep before he comes home.

My car stalled out on me twice the other morning, in the middle of traffic. Once they start breaking down I don't want nothing to do with them. It is very stressful for me to get in it and drive to work every day. I am so fearful of breaking down on the way home from work in the dark. There are long stretches of road without houses and light. I do have a cell phone but 90% of the area is out of the service area. We still are doing a little repair work at a time on K's truck and now to think we have to start on the car. It is too much to deal with right now. I just wonder why God, why.

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I cried unto God with my voice, even unto God with my voice; and gave ear unto me. In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not; my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled; I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed; Selah. Thou holdest mine eyes waking; I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I have considered the days of old, the years of ancient times. I call to remembrance my song in the night; I commune with mine own heart; and my spirit made diligent search. Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will he be favourable no more? Is his mercy clean gone for ever? doth his promise fail for evermore? Hath God forgotten to be gracious? hath he in anger shut up his tender mercies? Selah. And I said, This is my infirmity; but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary; who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders; thou hast declared thy strength among the people. Psalm 77:1-14