Reminiscencing

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At first light in the mornings, I lay and listen to the silence in the house. As I listen, echoes of the past can be heard in my mind. I hear the giggling of little boys as they wait for a new day to begin. I hear the patter of their feet running to jump in bed with me. They are so eager to get up and when they hear the rooster crowing at 4:30 in the morning; their day has started. I see both of their beautiful smiling faces as they are saying, "It's morning, get up!" Oh, God, how I miss those days.

Going back thirtyplus years, I see myself sitting in my bedroom at home writing and drawing about my dreams of my future. I knew the kind of life I wanted. It wasn't an idea that just came to me. It was something I had felt inside me a long time. I had drawn the house for years and my goals had never changed. They just became more detailed as I grew older. But I wasn't anchored in faith yet. I had no teachers to counsel me. And being new in Christ, I made a serious mistake. Now. I know I didn't wait upon the Lord. I made my decisions on my own. I was very immature in life and christianity.

I know God guides your footsteps and you have to be careful. There are wolves in sheep's clothing. I didn't understand that when I was younger. One son tells me I'm ignorant and one son says I have a weird perspective on life. My husband will not accept my thoughts or actions until he gets an opinion from another person. It breaks my heart a little more each time he tells me about something marvelous that someone else said or did, when I had already told him the same thing. My view on life is probably different from other people. But I don't think everyone feels the exact same way about life. I know my feelings are the same as at least half the world because I have come across how I feel in a lot of literature. I must say that I didn't get my feelings from other people. My way of thinking about life was there from the age I first remember being concerned about my feelings.

I have compromised my beliefs and feelings for a long time. I feel like a round peg being forced into a square hole. There has been an awful lot of pain and depredation during my lifetime. God is opening my heart and mind. I have a better understanding of when I went down the wrong paths. God control's our lives but when people are not following His guidance; it takes longer for our destinies to become known. I don't mean just when we don't listen but when the other people that are part of our destiny are not following God's plan for their life; it will affect our lives also. Every thing we do or say causes ripples in someone's life.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth,...But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,...For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." Matthew 6:19-22