Human Emotions

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I don't know how to put into words how I have been feeling. The headache is coming more frequently with only days in between. The left side of my face has developed a twitch. I am beginning to believe the headache is from emotional problems; not physical problems.

We went to walmart tuesday and I found myself enveloped in a blue mood. I had picked out my yarn and K. had put some hunting and fishing dodads in the buggy. We had $70 worth of stuff and we hadn't even made it to the grocery side of the store. There were other things I was wanting to get but we needed food. Now I was down to scratching items off my grocery list so we could afford to pay for our non-food items. I had to fight a strong urge to sit in the aisle and cry like a baby.

We have been married thirty years and we are still pinching pennies. I had thought by now we would have extra money left over every month that would be ours not creditors. K. would have worked long enough and would be earning senority pay. I blame him because he has turned down so many good jobs to stay at a low paying dead end job that offers no chance at an increase in pay, no chance at moving up and no insurance. But he says he is likes where he is at. He blames me because I am at home and not working. I quit my job four years ago when the headaches started. Things were not good at home and I had problems at work and I had to make a choice. I chose to not work and try to fix the problems at home. K. didn't understand how hard it was to maintain my sanity with a jackhammer going in my head and work 8 to 10 hours doing customer service and then come home and work another 8 to 10 hours doing family service. Things just started going down hill and they haven't stopped rolling.

I hate feeling sorry for my self because others are worse off. I am only human.

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For thou art my hope, O Lord God: thou art my trust from my youth. By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou at he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee. I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge. Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day. Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth. Psalms 71:5-9