My dad is having heart trouble. We don't know exactly what the problem is yet. He has to go for all the tests. His primary care taker made the statement that he doesn't want my dad to drive any more. The doctor even told dad not to cut the grass any more. Now comes the hard part and the tough love. Who is going to enforce all this? Who is going to take daddy's truck and mower away from him?

My dad has Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's disease. He has high blood pressure, too. Like a lot of people, he doesn't do everything the doctors tell him to do to take better care of himself. Fifteen years ago they told him to go on a salt free diet. He refused and didn't even cut back. Last year they told him it was of grave importance that he take the salt out of his diet. He refused again. Mom has done everything she can to cut back on the salt. But dad still buys salt and sprinkles it on his food. And he won't give up his soft drinks. You don't want to go to war with someone every day of your life, no matter how much you love them.

But how can we get him to listen? Mom says if we take away the only things he has left in life, he will grieve himself to an early grave. But if we don't take them away it will put him in the grave. I say if we let him keep driving he might end up responsible for someone else's death too.

I am a middle child and I have never had much say in the goings on of our family. My mom wants to leave things as they are. I have only talked with my oldest sister and she doesn't seem to think any action should be taken either. I knew years ago that my daddy was having trouble driving. I was the only child that was willing to ride with him when he drove. My mom was always wanting the opportunity to be at home alone. Dad didn't have a lot of hobbies to occupy hisself when he retired and was always at home. She would ask me to go places with dad when I was off of work so she could have some free time. We all agreed that he shouldn't be off by hisself but no one else would ride with him. Lots of the time mom won't go with him and I told her he gets confused and shouldn't be on his own. She is as stubborn as him or she just hasn't accepted his condition. Last year I started driving for him when he had to go downtown where there is a lot of traffic. He still drives when he just goes a few miles from the house.

I am so messed up with my own life that I don't feel able to give advise to anyone else.