I think I might have come upon a reason for my emotional decline. The psychologist always asks if I am taking my medicine every day. Well, I had skipped a couple of days each week so the pills would last longer. We were short of money because K missed four days of work and was going to have to miss another one. I have been skipping days with all of my prescriptions.

Last month,my parents gave me the money to get my first month of diabetic supplies. It is like all of a sudden I am needing so much extra stuff bought for me. Now I have to have over a $100 of test strips and lancets every month. And I want God to explain why this had to happen. I need Him to help me understand. I was on three prescriptions already. Then I am prescribed Lexapro, then the doctors tell me I am diabetic and to start testing my glucose blood level every day and to change my eating habits; which means more money on groceries and the doctors want to give me another prescription for estrogen therapy. Where do they think all the money for this is going to come?

My mom and dad gave me another $100 this month to help with my prescriptions because they knew K doesn't have sick pay where he works. But they can't keep doing this. I have filled out job applications; even though I know this is going to mess up our health care at the charity hospital. I don't know what else to do. Even if I let someone take over the notes for the car, we can't afford all the medicine. And I need the car to get a job.

K's truck wouldn't start yesterday morning. And it is a good thing we still had the car, because he would have had to miss work until we get the truck fixed. Now we have to come up with the money to repair the truck. It is a vicious circle we are walking and I see no way to get off this continuous path.

It is what worries me and keeps me down. Money. We never have enough. No, I have to change that. God makes sure we have what we "need", always. But there is no money left over. It is always just enough. And I am only human and I would like more. Forgive me, Lord for moaning and complaining.

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For we know that the law is spiritual; but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not; for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. For I know that in me(that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no go thing; for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would, I do not; but the evil which I would not, that I do. Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. Romans 7:14-20