I seem to be having almost normal thoughts lately. I don't know if normal is the right word. But after vegetating for so many years I feel the desire to be doing something. Not necessarily housework, haha, but doing something physical.

My mine is asking my body to do things that I haven't wanted to do for years. I actually braved the caterpillars to wash the car today. I haven't washed any car for probably five years, maybe longer. K took the car to a car wash last summer. That's how long it has been since it was washed. I told myself we can't pay for that anymore and I had to start doing it and I really wanted to do it; that in itself is strange.

We are making plans to have a fund raising benefit. The people that told us they would help pay bills for the next five months have not come through. We really don't know how much we will make but we must do something. We still have to pay for some of K's medicine and we have bills to pay also. We can get a couple of months behind but not five months and we don't know if he will be approved for disability. I called an organization that will pay our electric bill for one month and the lady specifically said, only one month. I have called and had my car payment extended for one month. The church that has the daycare where I work gave us three card board boxes full of food. The church sponsors a food bank and they told me that I won't have to worry about being able to buy groceries. That is a big help.

Worrying about money is stressing K out. I try to stay cheerful for him, when all I want to really do is sit and cry. One day at work last week, a co-worker ask me how things were going and I embarrassed myself by boohooing. I have good days and bad days. I know every one does. I know we aren't the only ones in this situation. I know that God has a plan for us.

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Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! Psalm 107:19-21