Thank goodness, Saturday finally got here. I didn't think I was going to last through to Friday. My mind has been in turmoil and I have a bad cold again. I have been physically and emotionally drained, worrying about future and at the same time trying not to.

My job has been getting harder and stessful. I have been taking care of set of twins, a boy and a girl, at the daycare where I work. They were nine months old when I started at the daycare. The older they get, the more unruly they get. You just wouldn't think that two one year old children would be hard to control(or whatever you want to call it), but they are and I think that is why they are at the day care every day even though their mom is at home. I told my boss that something has to be done because I was having serious thoughts of quitting my job. Oh, I have had thoughts of quitting before, after a day of listening to all six of my kids crying at the same time, but this past week was really really unbearable.

I have approached the day care director and asked for help because these two are actually bringing me close to tears. The boy is destructive with the furniture and toys. We have had to repair his crib several times. One of the bigger climbing toys he keeps in pieces since he discovered it can be taken apart. Even if another child is climbing on the toy, he will pull it apart. The other bigger toys he pushes along the floor and right into and over the other children. Yesterday he sank his little teeth into my knees twice and my arm once. That is the first time he has used his teeth on me and so far he has not bitten another child but I am afraid that will start next week. His twin sister is a danger to the other children. At one year of age she actually wraps her arm around the other children's necks and strangles them. And she likes to push them down and climb on their back and hold them on the floor with her knees. There must be a wrestling fan in her family. It is hard to believe that her brother doesn't wrestle the other children like she does. My director tells me to put them in time out. I do and as soon as I tell them they can go play, they do the same things all over again. The four hours I am there, I have them in time out over three hours. It saddens me that I can not get the twins to understand that their behavior is not acceptable. The director says the next step is to expel them from our day care and they are trying not to do that.

Also this week we went to the social security office and learnt some very distressing facts. They told us that as long as K is working and can work, he can not get disability. He will have to quit work to get it. Then, after he is approved for disability, it will be five months before he receives his first check. I asked the lady what are we suppose to live on and pay bills with while we are waiting? She just shrugged her shoulders and said that is the law. Even if I go to work full time, I won't be able to pay all the bills earning minimum wage. I wanted to be able to go to school and work part time. I am at my wits end again.