Wow, a week has past since I wrote down my thoughts and feelings. I guess that must mean I am getting better. Or maybe not. When I started blogging I had to write every day or bust. It helped me keep my sanity. Now I have a problem focusing to put words to my thoughts. My mind reels all the time. Almost like it did before I had my surgery.

K is having pain in is back now. He is always hurting. He has to get up several times a night to move to his different sleeping places. He starts the night off in the bed; about one a.m. he moves to the recliner; about three a.m. he moves to the couch. The pain pills are giving him some relief; he couldn't make it without them, but K says the pain is always there, it never goes away.

It seems we are staying angry with each other all the time. I am continually wanting to holler at him. He sets my teeth on edge. In my eyes he is not taking care of himself and I want to tell him that. He won't use his oxygen, it has been three weeks. The time that he is at home, his eyes are closed. I do not get to see his eyes anymore. He was able to stay awake when he was getting oxygen. When I suggest it, he gets upset. And when he dozes while he is eating and I say open your eyes, he tells me to leave him alone. He is so short tempered with me, too. I know he has a lot to deal with; but all I can say is the cancer is affecting my life too. I am at my wits end. I get angry with him and then I get angry at myself for being angry towards him. I try to talk to him but he doesn't want to talk.

My frazzled feelings have made me start eating; yeah, great, but I am eating all the wrong foods. I am not eating because I am hungry, I am eating because of my emotions. All the junk food I am stuffing into my mouth is keeping my blood sugar high. I know what I am doing but it is hard to control.

I came home and went to bed early last night. I am sick again with diarrhea. My babies at the day care continue to be sick and thus I continue to be sick. We have had several cases of RSV infection. It is mind boggling that the daycare director still allows sick children to attend. The rule is "if they do not have a temperature" they can attend. Okay, they don't have a fever but they are still sick and passing the germ around. We wash and disinfect everything but the air we are breathing.

I feel it is a no win situation at work and at home.