I know I am falling behind in posting on my blog. I am also falling behind with my email. One thing, this dial up internet is so darn slow, I risk drifting off to sleep waiting for page load ups. Another thing, it seems my brain is having trouble in multi-tasking again. I have ended up having to pay late fees again because I lose train of thought about paying bills. I have the dates on the calendar and in my daily planner but I still forget to sit down and write them out and get them in the mail. I think about it but get side tracked and end up not getting them mailed on time.

We have had a big blessing this month, all of K's pain medication was paid in full by the cancer treatment center; over $400 worth. I am able to sleep easier at night. K's radiation treatments will last two weeks. The doctor calls them palliative radiation treatment. It is not a cure but a way to bring K a little comfort from the pain. The new bone scan showed that all the tumors had enlarged since the bone scan that was made in March. The area to be treated is right next to his heart so K is taking a big risk. But he is begging for pain relief and wants the radiation.

My doctor visit did nothing but give me more grief. My blood work showed my triglycerides are 230 and the allowable is 150. The doctor asked if I eat a lot of sweets. I told her the same that I told the other doctor in 2004; I don't eat sweets and if I do it is something sugar free. I have been counting carbs since 2003. My cholestrol is 188 and the allowable is 200. Well that means more blood work and tests. Right now I am tired of seeing doctors; even though they are my husband's. I really don't want to add more appointments of any kind to the calendar. But of course I will and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

While at the treatment center, someone left copies of this poem. It touched me in so many ways; my heart and soul felt better as soon as I finished reading it. I had to have a copy for us and I also want to share it.


And God Said No

I asked God to take away my pride. And God said "No".
He said it was not for him to take away, but for me to give up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. And God said "No".
He said her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience. And God said "No".
He said patience is a by-product of tribulations. It isn't granted, it is earned.

I asked God to give me happiness. And God said "No".
He said he gives me blessings, happiness is up to me.

I asked God to spare me pain. And God said "No".
He said suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow. And God said "No".
He said I must grow on my own. But he will prune me to make me fruitful.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. And God said "No".
He said I will give you life, that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me love others, as much as he loves me.
And God said, Ah, finally you have the idea!

Claudia Weisz