It is hard to explain how I have been feeling during these two weeks of radiation for the tumors on K's spine. I have been exhausted emotionally because K has been angry and depressed and of course I am available for the brunt of his anger. I know he needs to release it and I understand.

K has only gotten back a little strength in his legs; he is still in the wheel chair. He has also lost strength in his arms. He is still having to use a catheter, he has not regained the ability to urinate on his own. He has lost another five pounds; the radiation has caused what little appetite he had to disappear. He argues with me when I tell him he has to drink Ensure or any other protein drink. He doesn't like them, he says they taste like vitamins and medicine. This morning he finally started nibbling on some cheese crackers and fig bars. We have discovered that Little Debbie fig bars have the great taste that we used to enjoy when we ate fig newtons. Fig newtons have lost all their flavor and texture; we quit buying them. Two weeks ago, we saw Little Debbie fig bars in a vending machine. K said he wanted to try them and we love them; he really enjoys them, thank goodness.

Next week I will go back to my 2-6 work schedule. I like the 6-10 shift in the mornings because I still have a whole day left when I get off work. The getting up at four in the morning to get K situated before I leave for work is exhausting. By friday my eyes are constantly crossing and I am falling asleep whenever I sit down.

I am considering giving notice for a leave of absence at the day care. I have also asked if there is a possibility of working a couple of hours in the morning and a couple in the evening. That way I won't be leaving K for long periods of time right now. He doesn't want me to quit and being with the children helps balance my sadness with joy right now. I definitely need that. The director said that she would see what she could do to help me.

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In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be put to confusion. Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me. Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.
Psalm 71:1-3