Tomorrow is christmas eve. My son is flying in from kentucky. I can't believe that a year has come and gone already. It seems I just put away the christmas decorations. Truth be told, I still have snowmen sitting out from last christmas that I didn't put away.

I feel awkward trying to celebrate christmas. Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ; I am still feeling the pangs of a death. I am joyful in Christ; my heart still hurts.

I do not have any gifts to exchange for I have not shopped. I go to work and come back to the house and sleep. This evening I did go with my sister to look at some christmas lights.

I am still numb. I go through the motions of being alive. The house is empty; it doesn't feel like home. I feel I am adrift without an anchor, floating aimlessly.

There are a lot of decisions still to make. I am ready to begin the new phase of my life; eventually I will make those decisions.

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The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
Psalms 23