Yesterday was the first day I felt a little peace. Automatically guilt washed through me for feeling it.

I don't know how I am suppose to feel. I guess those aren't quite the right words. I am sad and lost and angry. The other day I came across Kenny's hair brush in the truck. I brought it inside and was pulling the strands of hair from it. I put them in the bathroom garbage can and a pain went through my soul. I had to get them out; I couldn't throw them away. It felt wrong to throw them away.

I do all right during the week because I work ten to twelve hours a day at the daycare. When my hours go back to normal, I don't know how I will do. I keep my mind occupied and I am all right. When I am at the house by myself it is hard not to think about Kenny. While I am shopping, I come across things that I know he will like and I think about getting it for him or I tell myself I have to tell him about it. I still talk about him in the present tense. I am controlling my crying better.

Several of my co-workers have mentioned that I look like I have lost weight. My clothes still fit the same so I don't think I have. The last time I didn't eat enough I actually gained weight. Maybe being on my feet twelve hours a day is paying off in more than money.