It is friday evening and I am really worn out. I had to work in the two year old room. Again I am hearing there was no one else to put in there; even though I am the second oldest person working at the day care and we have twenty three other younger employees. I understood being told this when it concerned the infant room, but not with the older children. Sure I can do it; but it drains me. Lifting twelve children every one and a half hours to the changing table to change their diaper gets me down in my lower back. It was hard in the creeper room lifting six children to the changing table; they are way bigger and heavier in the two year old room. Maybe I am getting too old for working at a day care center.

I also have a viral infection again. The doctor said there isn't a prescription medicine to take. I am praying that it doesn't turn into bronchitis like last time.

I have been working during the week and doing nothing on the weekends. I don't feel like doing anything but I need to do more than just go to work all the time. I have not yet decided what that will be.

Friday, the 1st, I had decided to quit my job. No two weeks notice; just walk away and not look back. I was confused and unhappy and angry with my coworkers. After talking with my supervisor, I did go back monday. But I don't trust anybody I work with any more. And I am looking for another job.

Last week of January, I had the feeling that something wasn't right. I put it down to me being in the infant room and tried to not think about it. That friday when I picked up the new schedule, I checked to see if I had extra hours. What I did have was a whole new class room. No one had come to me and said any thing about it. Now I figured out why every one had been avoiding me and hadn't been able to look me in the eyes. I had gotten comfortable thinking I had some stability in my future; and they snatch the rug from under my feet and I am stumbling again.

I went to the office and talked with the director. Of course my words come rolling out in a jumbled mess. Then come the tears; I always do that when I am upset. I become a blubbering idiot. I told her that no one has talked to me about changing rooms. I get handed the new schedule and that is the first clue. I felt the need to remind her that I have never worked with the two year old class. I have never even substituted in the class. I told her I did not think I could handle twelve two year olds. And plus I had been there longer than some of the other workers, I thought I had a choice because of seniority. She asked me to follow the schedule temporarily until something else could be worked out. I told her I didn't think I could do it. I really did not want to do it because I felt violated. That might be too strong a word but it is how I felt.

As I said earlier, I did go back to work and I surprised myself; I was a pretty good two year old teacher. I did go to bed every day at seven p.m. all last week totally exhausted but I enjoyed the class. The director has put me back in my 3 & 4 year old class. I believe I will always worry that I could lose it.