We are in the path of another hurricane. I don't need anything else stressful on my mind right now. But I am handing it over to God. It has been almost twelve years since we have had a direct hit. The hurricanes that came to Louisiana have always slipped past our area with just a brush of the outer bands. We did have the tall pine trees around the house cut down about six years ago. But we do still have trees tall enough to fall on the house in the woods surrounding the house.

My dad has always said that if a hurricane hit Louisiana at the mouth of the Mississippi River it would wipe us off the map. I hope that is an exaggeration. But he has packed up and is ready to head up north if he even suspects the hurricane will come on land at the Mississippi.

I was glad to read that GrannyBird did not get the full force of hurricane Katrina. Yea for GrannyBird!!! I hope that will be true for us too. I don't like to think of anyone being in the path of these forces of nature; but every state has something they must learn to deal with. My prayers go out to everyone.

I have been greatly saddened ever since the doctor's appointment yesterday. I wasn't expecting to hear what we did and am still trying to accept the uncertainty of mine and K's future.

Yes, he still has cancer and it is too advanced for treatment. The doctor is just trying to keep it from settling anywhere else. At the moment he fears that it is in K's bones. K has been in pain and now it is a constant pain. He is now on pain medication. But if the cancer settles anywhere else; the doctor will prescribe chemo. September 9th, K will have a bone scan to see if the cancer is in the bones. And then the doctor will start treating it. The prostate cancer has responded to the hormone therapy and has stopped spreading throughout his body but the doctor believes the pain is from bone cancer.

He also told us that if K gets sick, his immune system is so low his body won't be able to heal itself. He told K he needs to start taking better care of himself. But he won't, he won't even stop smoking. Yes, I know it is his body and he can do what he wants with it. I am reaching a point where I don't know if I can continue watching someone knowingly do more harm to theirselves. I am fearful.

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I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalm 16:7-11

Monday evening I mowed part of the lawn. The heat index wasn't as high as usually is and I needed to get started back on the grass cutting. But I haven't wanted to go back out after work and cut more grass. It has to been done though.

We finally heard the results of K's barium x-ray and psa test. No polyps were found but the x-ray showed perforations in the colon. Again K was told to change his eating habits. And again K says no way. K's psa count dropped from 438 to 22. Now we are waiting to hear what the urologist will do next. We have an appointment tomorrow morning with him.

I have started back with my bread and candy making. I am trying to get as much in savings as I can. I had many requests for both. I am wanting to experiment with a sugar-free version of my banana nut bread; but I don't want to waste too much money on ingredients while I am trying recipes. Since I am eating sugar free foods my interest in sugar free desserts has peaked. There are many delicious desserts but I am at a loss as how to package and sell them.

I also have been applying for a grant to go back to school. I really don't know what subject to choose. I want to make sure what I study will be what I will enjoy doing. I know a lot of people that decide not to work in the field they went to school for. I don't want to make that mistake at my age.

Well it is time to start making some bread and doing some housework. This morning I had to be at work at 6:30; it has been a long day. I wanted to relax in front of the computer before I started on to do some of the necessary stuff around here.

I was so tired after work last night, I fell asleep on the couch. When I woke up at 8:30 I put on my pj's and went to bed. I was hoping I would be able to work the kitchen and infant room because it is only two days a week. Now I don't know. I am wanting to put money into savings to have when K isn't able to work a full week. Right now we depend on his whole paycheck. When he misses one day because of a doctor's appointment, it really messes up the budget. I feel that soon he may be missing a lot of work days. I like to try and be prepared for everything if at all possible. I know you can't be; but I sure like to try.

Tomorrow my mom joins the 70-year-old women's birthday group. I have wracked my tired old brain trying to think of something different and special to give her for her birthday. What I think I will do is take her shopping. Mom doesn't drive and dad just goes to a store to buy what he went for; no browsing around and looking. I take mom and let her look till her heart's content; no time limit. It has been a while since I've done that with her. Then possibly we will go somewhere to eat. Now, though, she doesn't like leaving dad for too long. But I will see what she thinks of that idea.

I need to put the car in the shop and see why I have suddenly started losing gas mileage. With gas prices increasing every few days, a big chunk of my paycheck goes towards keeping gas in the car. I was getting over 300 miles to a tank of gas. I am only getting an average of 250 now. Of course I tried to talk to K about it but he isn't interested in anything pertaining to me or the things he considers to be mine. It is sad but true. My dad took care of these types of things even after I married. He is not able to do this anymore, even though if I mentioned it to him, he would kill his self trying to help me.

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Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed aginst him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:3-6

I was so excited today to find a bookmark with one of my favorite Bible verses on it. I found it at, of all places, a Dollar General Store; one place I never look for bookmarks. It felt as if God wanted to remind me that He is here for me and He knows my mind is weak right now.

My God is an awesome God!

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O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name: make known his deed among the people. Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works. Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord. Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore. Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth. Psalm 105:1-5

I have chosen a new template. It shows only a little of my personality. I wish I had the smarts to start with a blank page and do my own design and portray myself with html. I have tried over the years without success; I can't get a grasp on how to do it. I may try playing around with this one; but I still notice I have a lack of interest in the things I at one time enjoyed doing.

I have quit the grass cutting; not because I can't do it, but the heavy sweating was a bit more than I could stand. I will be glad to get back to it when the temperature and heat index gets lower. The body drenching sweating just took everything out of me. If I cut the grass in the mornings, I was too tired when I went to work. If I waited to cut the grass when I came home from work in the evenings, I was exhausted and shaky after the lawn mowing that all I was able to do was shower and go straight to bed. So I have chosen to leave the push mower alone till cooler temperatures and mowing grass is just another walk around the yard. I say NO to sweating. I sweat enough in a air conditioned building with these sporadic hot flashes, to want to add to it by going outside and working. I feel for all the people that have to labor outside in these high heat indexes.

This week of caring for babies included getting a lap full of vomit, getting wee-weed on twice and having to constantly wipe five noses. But the occasional chuckle, the smiles and the hugs of trusting babies make it all worth while. One thing I miss is being able to get down on the floor with the babies. Once upon a time, not too a long time ago, I was able to get up and down with the youngest of the young. Now I have become a member of the "I've fallen and I can't get up" club. Who would have thunk it, not me. Yep, I might get down there, not too gracefully; can't get up without help though. I just ohhh and ahhh over older women that are still able to do them deep knee bends and squats. I surely do miss being able to do even a half way squat.

Working in the kitchen at the daycare has proven to be a greater challenge. Even with my note pad and writing everything down, I find myself forgetting and loosing track of the many different things I have to do. I have to keep going over my notes a hundred times and still I can't retain it to memory from one minute to the next. Being reminded by my co-workers not to worry about it, you are doing a terrific job, you will get the hang of it, doesn't alleviate the worry that my mind will never get back to what I consider normal for me.

Eight months of this year is almost gone. Time is moving too fast. I have received two paychecks all ready. My mind has accepted and processed my new daily routine. Now if I can get my body to keep up, I think everything will be alright.

K had the air contrast barium xray done thursday. This was done because they were not able to finish K's colonoscopy. His doctor's appointment is on the 22nd of this month. It is nerve wracking having to wait to hear the results of the test. K's spirit is still up and that is a good thing.

With my twenty hours of income added to K's we make too much for free medical care at the charity hospital. But we can not make it on just K's income. Car and homeowner's insurance increased, the telephone bill, gas, and of course the cost of food. I guess you could say everything went up but K's paycheck. Now we both are looking for ways to earn extra money so we can pay for our medical expenses.

I have agreed to work wednesday and friday mornings in the kitchen at the daycare center. It will give me thirteen more hours a week.I told the director I would like to try and she said okay. I have to get up at five in the morning to be there by six-thirty. I finish in the kitchen by one and then I work from two to six in the infant room. I was very tired yesterday after work. I went to sleep on the couch waiting for K to come home from work. I enjoy fixing lunch for the children; the work is not hard at all. I really love my job.

The only problem I have encountered so far is keeping my grass cut. I did not cut any this past week. It rained two days and the rest of days when I thought about doing it, I couldn't talk myself into getting outside and sweating. I am thinking real hard about hiring someone else to do it.

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I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock and established my goings. Psalm 40:1-2

I only had two babies to take care of today. I was able to hold and rock each one. I played peekaboo and made them laugh. It was an enjoyable four hours. I have thought about keeping a couple of babies in my home but I want to be out of the house and around people. I have decided to put my name on the bulletin board at work and babysit at night as a way to earn more money.

I think the primrose oil is working. For five mornings in a row, I have not had to wash my hair because of sweating all night. No more night sweats, yea!!!!!!!! The hot flashes during the day are slowing down too. Something is working and that is the newest thing I have been taking. Nothing else has changed. Outside, the heat index stays in the hundreds and inside the thermostat for the central air is still on the same temperature. I am counting it as a blessing for now.

At my last doctor's appointment, they lowered my calcium supplement to 1000 mgs. a day. Now I am having stronger tremors at night, especially when I am very tired. I told the doctor that they hadn't stopped completely. If it continues I will have increase my calcium on my own, I guess. This doctor told me that a person's body can absorb only so much at a time, and basically I was wasting my money because I was taking more than my body was using. Okay, what about my shakiness? When is it going to stop? Will it ever stop? I was told I have tremors because my body was needing calcium; now they are saying my body does not need it. I feel like they don't believe what I am saying.