Another week has passed. K is doing good. I, on the other hand, have been sleeping for two days. I have felt really tired. I don't know if it is physical or mental, maybe a combination of both. All I do is yawn and if I am still for any length of time, I fall asleep. I fell asleep in the waiting room thursday, something I have never done before.

The puppy, who we finally named Lulu, is giving me fits. She has to urinate practically every five minutes. I have put paper down, but she assumes it is for her pleasure and shredds it. I didn't know she was urinating in the house. I was taking her out and she was doing her business. She hasn't pooped inside. I was thinking, wow, she must be really smart, this was too easy. I didn't see her squatting because I wasn't watching her every move. One day I actually saw her wetting inside, right after she had been outside and had took care of her business. I took her back outside and came back in to clean up. A good section of carpet was wet. I guess she had been going to the spot quite often. Now I am constantly watching her every move because I don't want her wetting on the carpet any more. I have become a nervous wreck. I told K the only way I will keep her is to have a fenced area for her outside. He doesn't understand why I have a problem. To me, the house has a doggy smell now.

Work has become a little more stressful. The two new babies in my room, do a lot of crying. They are held a lot at home and want to be held at daycare of course. But I can not do that; if I sit and hold one, they all start crying, wanting to be held. Wednesday I was ready to walk out and I didn't care what anyone said. We have four new babies, two in the infant room and two in my creeper room. The two rooms are actually one room with just a counter/cabinet unit separating the space. The crying went on nonstop and I wanted to cry with the babies. We have our good days and bad days of course, as it is with any job. But I think I am getting too old and my worn out nerves can't handle the crying anymore.

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When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches, Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice. Psalm 63:6-7

K has been in the hospital since friday night fighting a bad staph infection. At least the doctor said he was 90% sure it is a staph infection. The test results have not come in yet.

Naturally K is scared and so am I. His immune system is so low because of the cancer. Everyone says when you go to the charity hospital you get a staph infection and he went in with one. The area around his i.v. became inflamed and they had to move the needle to his hand. I am worried that staph has settled at this spot. The nurse that moved the i.v. said that the antibiotics the doctors are giving K can destroy the vein because they are so strong.

He is running out of good veins. They have trouble taking blood. They can only take his blood pressure on his left arm now. It is so so sad.

I loved the pearls of motherly wisdom ya'll left in the comments. I have caught myself saying and doing things my parents did with me that I told myself I wasn't going to with my own children. But I do, oh so many times.

There is a new addition to my family. K gave me a puppy for mother's day. The sweetest little six week old fox terrier. A female, of course. Not by choice, all that was left of the litter of puppies was females of course. But I needed another girl in the house.

I didn't want to get another bird. Nothing could come close to my Babygirl. I still choke up when I think about her. She was very calming compared to what I have to learn to share space with now.

My home has not been child proof for a good number of years. It is definitely not puppy proof. And for the record, bird droppings were a lot easier to clean up. I have never been any good at house breaking a puppy. That is why we always eventually ending up kicking our dogs out of the house. Well, we actually found them another home with a fenced yard. I don't have a fenced yard. I told K we aren't ready to have a dog, or rather I said we don't "need" a puppy, we can't "afford" a puppy. We can't afford ourselves, let alone a defenseless animal. All he can say is well we have a puppy now.

He was also missing Baby, and he knew I was, am, still heartsick. He wanted to get another bird, but I told him no, I couldn't handle that right now, maybe later. So he surprised me. Was I ever surprised!

I haven't named her yet. I call her a lot of different things. Some not very nice things every now and then. hahaha

These are a few lessons I learnt growing up that became some of my own motherly pearls of wisdom. If your favorite is not here please share them with me.

To Value A Job Well Done
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
Time Travel
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
Logic
"Because I said so, that's why."
Foresight
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
Irony
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
Stamina
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
Weather
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
Hypocrisy
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
Circle Of Life
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
Envy
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Anticipation
"Just wait until we get home."
Receiving
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
Medical Science
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
How To Become An Adult
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

I went out the front door this morning and encountered a snake. EEEKKK!!!! I thought my heart was going to stop beating. My heart did a flip flop but started back up again. This isn't the first time I have found a snake on the porch but it does make me very jumpy. The snake was a harmless king snake but if it had struck at me I would have definitely experienced heart failure. The snake took it's time going away as usual.

K is finished taking his new medicine, prednisone, and is starting to feel a little better. He is also getting his appetite back. My eating habits have taken a downward slide again. I am back to forcing myself to eat something, anything. I have to remind myself to drink something, too. I will fix a glass of tea or water in the morning and by evening I am still sipping from the same glass. I feel it is because at home my mind zones out to keep myself from thinking. When I am at work, I am alert and busy; I am able to drink at least two eight ounce glasses of water before I get off of work. I am trying to think cheerful thoughts at home so I don't blank out everything else and forget about eating and drinking.

I have been looking around for another job. I am trying to prepare myself for the future. I would like to have a job that offers insurance that I can afford. Even if I worked full time at the daycare; they do not offer insurance. The future is what I try not to think too much about right now. It is very upsetting.

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Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Romans 5:1-5

The Lord was watching over us yesterday. The rain held off until today. K was so worried it would rain during the benefit because rain was predicted. I am always telling him, the weatherman can predict but only God knows what the weather will be.

There was a sprinkle of rain while they were cooking the jambalaya, but the people still came. We were able to raise $2300. Over 400 people came and most gave more than what we were asking per plate. We will have enough to pay our bills even if K isn't able to go back to work. Praise God!

K still hasn't regained his strength. I don't know if he will this time. I have been trying to keep his spirit up, but I don't think I am having much luck. I pray for the right words to say to him.

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I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel... I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
Psalm 16:7-9

Tuesday evening we were at the charity emergency room. K was running a 102 degree fever and having trouble breathing. Also he was feeling pain in his chest. They did blood work and xrays and an ekg. K had fluid in his lungs again but does not have pneumonia. The doctor suggested that K stay in the hospital but he wanted to come home. The doctor wrote a prescription for prednisone and let K come home. He still isn't doing too well. I am afraid we will be making another trip to the hospital soon.

Saturday, we are having the jambalaya benefit to help raise money for us to pay bills with while we are waiting for K's disability checks to start. We still haven't heard if our claim was approved. K is weaker and I don't know if he will be able to get well enough to go back to work this time.

A co-worker of mine has offered to let me work 10 of her 40 hours a week. That will give me 30 hours instead of 20 and she will be working 30 hours instead of forty. What a blessing!


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I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings. Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God? Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people.
Psalm 77:11-14