Another week of infant care completed. I was thrilled with my first little check. Yea for me! I took a fourth of it and splurged on a pair of capris and a couple of shirts. I was lucky because all the summer clothes are on clearance. The rest of the check went into the bank to be used for when K has to miss work.

Next week the babies in my room that are crawling will be moved up to the creepers room and I will have two new infants; one of which is just six weeks old. I am all ready falling in love with all my babies.

I have started taking evening oil of primrose and increased my dosage of vitamin E as my doctor suggested for my menopause symptoms. I don't want to get my hopes up but.....I am not sweating profusely. Last night I didn't sweat at all. My hair was totally dry this morning; I was thrilled! Maybe, just maybe, these natural alternatives will help.

Yesterday was my three month check-up with the endocrine clinic at the charity hospital. I am six pounds lighter. Yea for me! My blood pressure was 138/85. Better than it has been in a long time. At my last appointment, I was told to decide about starting estrogen replacement. Well, I was ready to try it. But this time I was told that there had been a new study and it is proven that estrogen replacement does contribute to heart trouble so the doctor will not prescribe it for me. I was told to try the herbal products that are on the market. I have been using one and at first it worked wonderfully. It doesn't help anymore. Boy, I was really looking forward to getting some relief from these menopausal symptoms.

K made another hole in his belt this morning. He has shrunk another inch. I am going to put darts in some of his pants this weekend. When he takes his belt off his pants fall to the floor. He isn't ready to buy any new pants yet. I guess he doesn't like thinking about the weight loss. We will start with alterations first. Because if he keeps losing weight we would be buying a new size of pants every month. We did buy smaller fruitofthelooms; because the old ones didn't want to stay in place either. He couldn't wear two belts. HaHa He did have extra weight to lose; it is just scary that all of a sudden the weight is coming off and he isn't trying to lose it.

I was up early this morning because I was taking my dad to the V.A. clinic for his blood work. He wants to be there when they unlock the doors. I stay up late to spend time with K since he works evenings and gets home around ten. Normally, I sleep late because he goes to work at one every day. Because I am so tired, my back is really painful tonight. With only four hours at the day care; I still feel drained at six o'clock.

Yesterday, I was initiated in the daycare job force. I was pooped on and had applesauce sneezed all over my face. I haven't been wee-weed on yet; but I know it is going to happen.

I enjoy taking care of the babies. I would love to have time to play with them. I get to feed them, diaper them and then they sleep if they're not fussy. When they wake, I feed them, diaper them and they go home. The four hours go quickly.

K is not doing good. He is in pain but won't go ahead and go to the emergency room. He thinks he can hold off until his next appointment. He is taking the naproxen they prescribed for his pain, but it isn't helping. He is being very strong and continuing his daily routine as much as possible. I try to get him to ask for time off to rest more but he doesn't want to do that right now.

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Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me; for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. Psalms 57-1

Today was my first day at the day care. Talk about getting a work out or maybe the better way to say it is-talk about lifting weights? I did it today. My arms and back are really sore. But over all, I think I will be able to do it.

I thought the pooty diapers were going to be a problem. I imagined changing seven stinky diapers every hour but that didn't happen. Thank goodness! My challenge is going to be lifting heavy babies. Even bending and using my legs is putting a strain on my back. I am hoping that my muscles will slowly get back into shape and I can handle the lifting.

K is going to get an estimate on repairing the truck in the morning. I thank God it wasn't worse and I don't want to complain; but we are always having to find money for extra things that are not on the budget. But as always God has provided a way. Two weeks ago we had to buy a battery for the truck. The week before that we had to replace two truck tires. We can't seem to get ahead in life. Our homeowner's and automobile insurance has increased. Oh, yeah, and gas has went up again. I am seriously thinking about trying to work 40 hours a week; even though it will really mess up our free medical care. I have prayed about it, even though God already knows our situation, and I am waiting for an answer. God always provides.

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Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

I have been keeping up my exercising. I have went back to alternating jogging and walking. I have also decided to start using my small dumbbells. I have had a set for years and use them occasionally. Add to that all of my lawn mowing with a push mower and I should be fit as a fiddle!

This morning K fell asleep as he was driving to work and crashed the truck into a ditch. Thankfully he had only minor injuries; he wasn't wearing his seat belt as usual. He refused to go for xrays. The front bumper of the truck is bent back under the truck. I have been worried about him driving because he has been falling asleep when I have been riding with him. It is scary; his eyes seem to be always closed. He said he falls asleep at work too. He has always fell asleep easily even when he was younger. But it is a constant thing now.

My new job is taking care of infants at a daycare center I worked at once before. The pay is just above minimum wage and I will only bring home about $400 a month but it is something I enjoy doing.

But after this morning I think I need to find a full time job so K can stay home and rest more. I am very worried about him.

I can't believe I recieved a telephone call asking me if I was still looking for work. I said yes, I was interested in the job. I am so excited; I got the job, yea for me!!!!

My family is not thrilled with the idea. My mom told me I was their lifeline. Yeah, her word-lifeline. Instead of being assertive as my psychologist told me to be, I start trying to defend myself and tell her it is only part-time.

K tells me if I am going to work, I should at least get 40 hours and make big money. And he really made my day this morning when he informed me that I have a big belly. I wonder some times why I am still here.

Hurricane Dennis missed us as did tropical storm Cindy. With Cindy we did get some rain but Dennis only gave us some strong cool breezes. All the people and their families that are in the pathway of Dennis have been in my prayers. I will be glad when the hurricane season is over.

K is still loosing weight. At times I think he is giving it to me. I haven't been loosing any. It is all so frustrating. His spirit is still good though. That helps me to cope much better. If he was feeling down like he was in May, I don't know what I would do.

His left leg has been hurting him a lot. The leg had bothered him before but he said it hurts all the time now. I know that prostate cancer causes bone pain and I know that one of the side effects of the hormone therapy for prostate cancer is that it pulls calcium from your bones. K has never been a man that wants to take care of himself. I told him he needs to be taking calcium supplements but it is like talking to a wall.

After reading your comment, GrannysDaughter, I sat outside and watched all the cardinals in the yard. I did indeed notice some younger birds. I was away from home quite a bit last week and I guess I missed the flying lessons. The young birds are still easily spooked and every time someone drove past the house, they fluttered away into the bushes beside the yard. They are a pleasure to watch.

If anyone knows why I have a big blank space in my posts please explain it to me. I would really appreciate it.

Oh wow, we are getting ready for a hurricane. It is already a catergory four, well it slowed to a three this evening. I'm sure the winds will grow stronger again when it gets into the gulf. I am scared as usual. I always want to load up the truck and go north. But we never have done that. But if I had my druthers we would. If it stays on its projected path we will only get the western edge of it; as we did with Cindy. My nerves are still on edge though and we do have to be prepared in case Dennis changes his course.

The baby birds are gone. I don't know what happen to them. I looked on the ground under the tree and did not find them or even any feathers. I have been heart sick about it. But that's what happens with nature; it is cruel.

These are the words to a song that I love to hear. I play it constantly. When I am listening to it, I can actually feel my heart constrict with emotion. When I hear it my thoughts are of God. I don't know if that is the intention of the writer. The first time I heard the song it immediately became a prayer to my Lord. Other singers have recorded the song. My favorite, the one I listen to, is Josh Groban.

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Rolf Lovland

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As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the Lord is tried; he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. The Lord liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted. Psalm 18:30-32,46

I have been having a close encounter of birds this month. I was pleasantly surprised to find a cardinal nesting in a tree in front of the house. The nest is just above eye level. I was able to take these pictures by reaching up with the camera. I couldn't aim it so I just held it over the nest and hoped for the best. All three eggs hatched and the parents have three mouths to feed. I have seen all three mouths up and being fed. It is a wonderful sight. I can hardly wait for them to start learning to fly.

K is doing good. His spirit was renewed when the biopsies of the polyps removed during the colonopscopy were benign. He is eating again but he isn't wanting to give up the fats, sugar, and starches for vegetables like the doctor instructed him.

I have barely been keeping the yard mowed. We have three acres and every day I have to cut a section of grass. I must say it is some intense exercise.

It is hard to put my feelings in writing. I try not to think about the cancer. I don't like to dwell on the fact that my future is uncertain. But again my future has always been uncertain. No one knows exactly how long their life is going to be. I don't know how long I will live. I could die in an automobile accident tomorrow. This is what I keep telling myself and try to go on as normally as possible.

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Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forht his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever de doeth shall prosper. Psalm 1:1-3