Spring colors

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The azalea is in full bloom. I don't know why my plants aren't coordinated. The yard would have been something to see if everything had bloomed at the same time. My smaller or younger azaleas bloomed around the first of March. The one in the picture we planted when we first moved here. Also it is on the side of the house that gets minimum sun light. I guess I solved the mystery of the late bloomer.

I finally got around to hand washing my car. I had been rinsing the pollen off but the car looked splotchy with spots of old dust and pollen. The guys in the house have been washing theirs but for some reason won't keep mine washed for me. You would think they would be glad to after all I do for them.

I noticed the catepillars are in the trees already.
This is the hardest time of the year for me. I will be glad when summer finally gets here. Then we will be back to only frogs and lizards. That means less for me to watch out for when I am outside. But I am hardly outside at all until the creepie crawlies are gone. I feel better when the yard is kept mowed and I can see what is crawling on the ground.

At times like this I start wishing for my knight in shining armor. For that special someone who knows what I need for happiness and comfort and who will go beyond the limits to make sure that I have everything that insures my completeness. Woe is me.

Transforming

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There doesn't seem to be enough time in a day anymore. I have to come up with a new plan. I try to do the things I like spending my time on and still do the "everydaylife" things. Naturally, with this logic, time is not used wisely and I end up stressed.

I have another project started; trying to add more color to my world of depressing darkness. I want to redo the guest/son's bathroom. I found this unique shower curtain and I love the colors, but the theme throws me off a little. I will have to find accessories, a rug, and of course matching towels. It isn't a simple task of hanging up a new shower curtain. Nothing that is in the bathroom matches this fabric. When I decide to make some changes, something seems to happen and complications appear like magic.

Spring is in the air and on the ground....EEKKK!!!

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Everything that can bloom is blooming. My wisteria has made it to the tree tops at last. The vine has been here longer than us but was not allowed to grow. For some unknown reason K. had been keeping it chopped down. He made a point of going out every spring and cutting the wisteria vine down while I'm asking him not to. The past three years he has been slack with the yard work. The blessing from an unkept yard is the wisteria has finally thrived. I wish I had more plants in the ground to watch grow.

My hummingbirds are back and the dreaded(for me anyway)web worm. Those worms that dangle on a thread and come floating with the breeze to land on you. Awful!!!! I came inside the other day unaware that I had a surprise coming. I sat in the rocking chair and out of the corner of my eye I spotted movement. EEEKKKKK!!!! I had a creepy crawler on my shoulder!!! Naturally, I scream, then swat at the awful thing. My heart was pounding a hundred miles an hour. I couldn't find the disgusting little bugger either. I like to see evidence of the kill so there will be no surprises later.

Right now I am perched in the computer chair. A long tailed creature came under the back door. All I was able to glimpse was two back feet and a long tail. There are two choices and both are on my list of phobias. It disappeared under some junk and I am ready to run if I see it. I hope in goes back outside via the door.

I have been learning something new. Wednesday, we went to Home Depot and I bought some stuff to repair screen windows. I have waited for K. to start work on the screens but...... Well today I tackled the front door. You are really suppose to take the door off the hinges and lay it down. I bypassed that step and attempted to do it with the door up. The screening spline we bought didn't fit the groove in the door so I reused what I took off the door. You really need to bear down to push the spline into the groove. I was having a problem with that since the door would give as I pushed. I did get the door re-screened but....as I was trimming the excess screen I... cut through the new screen on the door!!!! I can't believe it!!!!! AAARRRGGGG!!!!!!

Reminiscencing

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At first light in the mornings, I lay and listen to the silence in the house. As I listen, echoes of the past can be heard in my mind. I hear the giggling of little boys as they wait for a new day to begin. I hear the patter of their feet running to jump in bed with me. They are so eager to get up and when they hear the rooster crowing at 4:30 in the morning; their day has started. I see both of their beautiful smiling faces as they are saying, "It's morning, get up!" Oh, God, how I miss those days.

Going back thirtyplus years, I see myself sitting in my bedroom at home writing and drawing about my dreams of my future. I knew the kind of life I wanted. It wasn't an idea that just came to me. It was something I had felt inside me a long time. I had drawn the house for years and my goals had never changed. They just became more detailed as I grew older. But I wasn't anchored in faith yet. I had no teachers to counsel me. And being new in Christ, I made a serious mistake. Now. I know I didn't wait upon the Lord. I made my decisions on my own. I was very immature in life and christianity.

I know God guides your footsteps and you have to be careful. There are wolves in sheep's clothing. I didn't understand that when I was younger. One son tells me I'm ignorant and one son says I have a weird perspective on life. My husband will not accept my thoughts or actions until he gets an opinion from another person. It breaks my heart a little more each time he tells me about something marvelous that someone else said or did, when I had already told him the same thing. My view on life is probably different from other people. But I don't think everyone feels the exact same way about life. I know my feelings are the same as at least half the world because I have come across how I feel in a lot of literature. I must say that I didn't get my feelings from other people. My way of thinking about life was there from the age I first remember being concerned about my feelings.

I have compromised my beliefs and feelings for a long time. I feel like a round peg being forced into a square hole. There has been an awful lot of pain and depredation during my lifetime. God is opening my heart and mind. I have a better understanding of when I went down the wrong paths. God control's our lives but when people are not following His guidance; it takes longer for our destinies to become known. I don't mean just when we don't listen but when the other people that are part of our destiny are not following God's plan for their life; it will affect our lives also. Every thing we do or say causes ripples in someone's life.

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth,...But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,...For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." Matthew 6:19-22

Be....

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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter." Dr. Seuss

What is the reason or purpose for each new day God gives me? I stumbled in the past and I am afraid I am stumbling now.

What next?

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I would like for things to stay the same for longer periods of time. About the time I get used to the way life is going; something gets added or taken away and I have to try and adjust my brain waves. That is not an easy process any more.

I can't believe just three days ago I was excited about how great things were at last. That very day, a wrench was thrown into the wheel of life and joy had to slow down. I'm still waiting for the wheel to get repaired. I didn't even have time to bottle the elixir of happiness so I would have some for an emergency.

I am temporarily back to eating lots of carbs for an instant fix to help me believe I am feeling better. I am back to being a couch potato because you don't need a brain for that. I am back to not wanting to get out of bed and face my life. I pray and apologize to the Lord for not being appreciative of each new day He gives me. Why do I stumble so easily?

Happiness

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The days have been pleasant, mentally and physically. My mom taught me not to get my hopes up because you'll always get hurt. I am trying to learn a new way of loving life. But my mind always strays back to the pessimistic way of thinking. If I am so happy now something is fixing to knock me back down.

I will enjoy this silver lining in my cloud as long as I can. I am going to bed smiling and getting up still smiling. I am singing and dancing again. I have not felt this joyful in a long time. It is like I woke up one morning a new person. I want to hang on to this person as long as I can. I have not changed physically. I still wake up with a pounding headache and back and arm pain, but the smile is still on my face. :)

Everything is pleasant to do and I look forward to each new day. I enjoy reading again. For a time I didn't even want to pick up a book. I wonder if it is because of spring? I have been going outside and the earth is beautiful with bright colors. The inside of the house is so dark and dreary it reeks of decomposing bodies. I wonder if it is the low carb diet? One of the statements about it says that it helps relieve anxiety in some people and gives you energy. Maybe that's the reason or it is a combination of things. I hope I can find out what it is and bottle it for when I need it again. Thank you God for loving me.

I found this very interesting link on another page and again I am amazed at what some people can do with html. I love playing with it.

No words can explain

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Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."



I had the opportunity to see the movie, The Passion of The Christ. I almost didn't go because of the person who invited me. But I reminded myself I had been trying to figure out a way to see the movie. I felt that God must have had a hand in it.

I can't put into words the feelings that flowed through me as I watched the movie. I felt love, sorrow, respect, grace, humility. My heart felt too large for my chest. My whole body had a sense of awe; it felt like I was floating above my seat. Tears flowed from beginning to end of the movie; and still flow when I think about the Crucifixion. I knew the Bible verses but seeing the words brought to life on big screen was unsurpassable.

The lights came back on and I felt left behind. The life was gone out of me. I needed time to sort out my feelings and to pray. But for some people life just goes on. I stood and prayed all in one motion. Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me.

My Joy

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My Emily Rose has a birthday this month. She will be 5 and start to school this year. She has been the light of my life this past four years. God sent her to us at a time when several people needed an angel to help strengthen them. I know she helped me when I was at the lowest point in my life than I have ever been. Emily has given me so much.

I love it when she answers the phone and hears my voice. She shouts with joy, "Aunt Patsy!" My smile is so big my face hurts. And the conversations we have together are unbelievable. She has more wisdom and sass than most teenagers.

Emily is into science experiments. She always has a concoction brewing in a bowl. She is trying to invent an ant poison. haha She has been bitten too many times.

Emily Rose asks about her father. With her wisdom she understands that her father is not in her life; when other children have one. When she cries for her daddy; I cry too. She is an exquisite gift to us and has enriched so many people's lives.

March coming in like a lion

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Many changes have been happening around the house. All because of a man named Pete. For some reason that I haven't discovered yet, he is doing repair work on the house. The first thing was painting the front porch. It has been changed to a color by the name of glazed clay. I decided to upgrade the door to the color too. Everything is bright, shiny and new. I am thinking of doing the rails in an off-white to match the shutters on the house. Pete said he will do the back porch and door for me too. We have enough of the paint left over and I won't have to buy any for the back.

He has climbed on the roof and repaired the hanging fascia. Yeaaaa!!!! No more siding dangling on the top of the house. He fixed the vinyl fascia on the back of the house, but all the wood fascia has rotted away and needs to be replaced. He believes he has found the leak on the roof and is going to fix it. WoooHoooo!!!! He also fixed the gaping ceiling on the porch. He made everything look so simple to do. Unbelievable!!!! God is wonderful!!!

I tried to spend some time outside today. But the winds were gusting 24 miles an hour. And the mosquitoes were awful. After constantly slapping myself, I decided to give up the idea. We have six straight days of rain in the forecast. I am afraid we might have the dreaded April floods this year. But the old wive's tale for March is: if it comes in like a lion, it goes out like a lamb. Maybe, just maybe, no flooding this year.