A few more days and we start a new month. It has been awfully hot with heat indexes around 115. I am praying that the temps don't stay high next month. Lower would definitely be wonderful. It is so dry that the state fire marshall has issued a ban for all private burnings. That means no fireworks for july 4th.

After three weeks my three and four year olds are paying attention a little better. Now their meanness has shown up and I am trying to teach them to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. I have pinchers, scratchers, hitters and even one biter. Mix that in with the noisiness and I am exhausted every day.

On cooking day with had a fun idea that the kids loved. We went fishing. A pretzel stick was the fishing pole, peanut butter was the bait. We put gold fish crackers on blue colored paper plates. The kids dipped the pretzel sticks in the peanut butter and caught the fish and ate them. They enjoyed it so much.

My roof had some leaks and I finally decided to use the blue tarps that have shown up everywhere since hurricane katrina. It was of course the least expensive and friends of the family put them on for me. Three tarps were given to me and I bought one and the effect has the look of a patchwork quilt. Each tarpaulin was a different shade of blue, one being a beautiful turquoise. I know I have to do something more permanent and I'm looking over my options.

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Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
Psalm 130:1-6

K was strongly in my mind and heart today. Still I have days when I feel overwhelmed with thinking of him and expecting to see him walking through the door. I came across this poem that put my feelings into words.


In Our Hearts
We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

Rose de Leon

Every day this past week I drove to work with knots in my stomach. I am proud to say that my group finally walked quietly down the hall and out to the playground. That was one of the challenges I faced. I never saw this class going outside so I was shocked the first time I was the one taking them to the playground. They were shouting, pushing each other, trying to be the first one on the playground. They ran out the door without waiting for me. I was getting the walkie talkie that the teachers always take outside. I know they are excited about going outside but we have rules. Now I see light at the end of the tunnel. It is going to take a while I know and I accept that.

One thing I am practicing with them now is plain ol' sitting quietly between projects. Really they can not do anything without talking. I send my group to the bathroom one at a time. They run all the way and then I hear talking or singing in the bathroom. At first I would think someone else was with them. I have since learnt that they can not do anything quietly. When I let them talk it turns into chaos. They start bickering and then I have a full blown screaming match. Even the ones that are not involved end up out of their chairs, screaming and running around the room.

I have discovered that even music causes screaming and running with this group. We are suppose to have thirty minutes of music every day. I am working on making this an enjoyable time for all of us. I have started using musical dvds so they are sitting and watching and are mesmerized for part of the allotted time. My other two groups of children were talkative, too, but not with the constancy and volume of this group.

The co-worker that had the class before me gets upset when I talk about how unruly the class is. I have went to her for info to help me with the children. She feels I am expecting too much from them. I know all children are different but I feel they can learn to control their behavior just like my other three's and four's did.

I am ashamed to say that I am hollering all the time. I tried the whispering technique that the director has always told us to use. This group never even looks in my direction. The only way I get them to look at me is to holler "eyes on me" in a voice louder than they're using at the time and I usually have to do this several times, getting louder each time. It amazes me that some of the kids still don't stop talking and playing. I am having to rethink the methods I used with my other children.

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My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.
James 1:2-6

Today was my kids first cooking day at the daycare. We made butter. The kids had fun and I stayed tense. They had a blast shaking the jar and passing it to each other. I just kept imagining that glass jar hitting the floor, spraying cream and glass every where. I kept asking myself, why glass?

The butter was delicious and brought back memories. I remember helping my dad's mom, grandma Lily, milk her cow. Then we would let the milk sit, so the cream would rise to the top. She would ladle the cream off and pour it a jar. When the jar was full she would pour the cream into the butter churn. It had a handle you turned sort of like the old type of egg beater or hand mixer. I always thought it was an honor to be allowed to sit and turn that handle. The reward was always to get to taste butter I had made.

My new group of kids are a bit challenging. They do not seem able to sit for five minutes. I have three out of fourteen that I can turn my back on and know that when I turn back around they will be in the same place. With my other classes it was the other way around. I only had three or four that I had to keep one eye on at all times. It has really been emotionally draining these past four days.

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Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:19-21