Happy first day of spring; according to the calendar. Another week has gone by and it is the beginning of a new week. I am beginning to get the feeling that this year is going to pass faster than last year.

We have been in a cycle of three days of rain and two days without rain. If you live in an area of lots of concrete that would be wonderful. But I don't have concrete so I have muddy ground that doesn't have time to dry completely. But I know every place has good points and bad points. We have been living here long enough that I should have a concrete driveway, car port and patio. But.....I don't.

The doctor gave me a prescription for Lexapro instead of Zoloft. I have been taking it since friday. It is suppose to take four to six weeks to start taking effect. I have been very drowsy and nauseous. I am hoping these symptoms will level off in a few more days. I really don't know what to expect from this pill. The psychologist says other people will probably notice a change in me before I do. I will just have to wait and see.

*********************************************************************************

Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:25-26

The rain is back. Seems like we are only allowed a couple of days of blue sky. I spotted a hummingbird at the feeders yesterday. I am so glad they are in my area again. Plus, I saw a dragonfly, a sure sign of warmer weather. If the rain would only slack up; but we can't have everything and I remind myself to count my blessings.

I started jogging this past weekend. Yep, me, hahaha. I can barely get my feet off the ground. I did not realize that you get to the point that you can not jog. I knew I couldn't run away from danger; if danger decided to chase me, but I did not know I wouldn't be able to jog away from danger. Oh, I'm not going to enter any races, anytime soon. I just would like to get back to being healthy. What I have decided to do is walk for ten minutes and then jog for one minute and then walk again. For as long as I can still breathe....easily, without pain. hahaha I wouldn't want anyone around me with a video camera or to stand and watch me. I am thinking about that treadmill again. I do believe I want one.

March winds have been blowing in twentyfive m.p.h gusts. You have to hang onto the door when you open it, to keep it from being blown off the hinges. The weather is really mixed up these days. Yesterday morning there was ice on the car windshield and by afternoon the temperature was in the seventies. In the mornings you never know if you should dress for cold or warm temperatures.

It has warmed up enough that the wasps and bumblebees are flying around and they always seem to want to gather by the front door. I have to be prepared to duck and run, when I open the door.

I put out my hummingbird feeders and have been watching for the little darlings to come back. They bring me so much pleasure. I don't guess I'll see any during these strong winds.

Wednesday, coming back from the store, we startled a yearling deer in the unfenced field of grass at the beginning of our road. The poor thing did not know which direction to run. It took off to the right and then whirled around to left, towards us and the woods. Changed its mind and turned to the right; lost its balance and fell. I guess it finally decided to take a chance; it leaped across the road in front of the truck and then over the fence, into the woods. Hopefully the deer learned a lesson and won't come out into the open until after dark.

I have been feeling much the same. I feel my muscles twitching all the time now; kinda getting used to it. My face tightens or draws up and it is scary because I have no control of it. I have to wait it out, until the muscles relax. Sometimes it feels like someone is tugging on my eyebrow and when I touch it, I can feel the muscle knotted up.

I bought a long sleeve button up shirt made out of cotton and spandex. It is so comfortable and does not wrinkle. I have been able to find several shirts, button up and pull over with spandex and I love them because I don't have to iron them. Anyway, my favorite, the mauve colored button up, I wear the most; I was putting it in the dryer and glanced at the care label, to make sure I use the right temperature, and was shocked to see the word-maternity. I started flipping light switches so I could read better. Sure enough, that is what it said. I held the shirt out and looked for gathers in the front, but didn't see any. It looked like a regular shirt to me. So I went and got the scissors and cut that word right off the label. I hope to goodness I don't run into a pregnant lady wearing the same shirt one day. Lord have mercy, I have got to do something about this weight.

It is raining again. When the weather is like this and I can't get my mind lost in a book or movie; I head for the kitchen.

I have been thinking about stewed chicken ever since fall and the cold weather arrived. K does not like stewed chicken but it is one of my comfort foods from childhood that my dad's mom cooked a lot. I decided that I would cook one chicken and make two dishes so both of us could have something we like. I will have stewed chicken and K will have chicken cacciatore. Along with those two dishes, I am cooking fresh green beans that I was lucky enough to be in the store when the produce guy was bringing them out. They are gorgeous. And add to that a salad and we both will be happy with our meals! That is if I get the flavors right and don't mess up.

I have been having computer trouble again. I keep getting the window that says windows xp is experiencing technical difficulties and has to shut down or something along those lines. And I also get the error page that says "can't find page" quite a bit. I am not allowed to view a whole bunch of pages that I was getting regularly last week. Computing is not fun anymore.

It seems that I am not allowed very much time in between problems these days. I had to take the car to the shop because the air conditioner wasn't coming on all the time and on some days we needed cool air. They replaced the low pressure switch. Luckily the car is still under a warranty and all I had to pay was a fifty dollar deductible.

I was thrilled to hear the call of a woodpecker the other day. And I spotted a grey squirrel in an oak tree in the back yard. It has warmed up enough that my plum trees have blossomed and I have been seeing butterflies, too. Spring is in the air.

The sky was clear today. It was not the beautiful cerulean blue I love so well; but it was a heartwarming cloudless sky. There was enough of a chilly breeze to make me shiver, but I braved it for a little while.

I have been fighting a headache for a couple of days. My nose has been stuffy so I am telling myself it is a sinus headache. I started taking otc claritin and it has cleared my nose but I still have forehead and cheek pain.

In January the endocrine clinic had given me a referral to see a psychologist. I wasn't going to go because I don't see how talking to someone will help me. But when the doctor called again to set up the appointment I said okay. I went today and filled out the paper work and asked the psychologist questions and she asked me some questions. She thinks I have a severe case of clinical depression and wants to put me on zoloft. But I also could be still having problems with my parathyroid so she has to talk with my endocrinologist before she can do anything. I am again in the waiting process of getting any kind of diagnosis and help.

I am scheduled for weekly visits; I still don't see how this will help but I am willing to do anything to find my way back to being whole again. I don't recognize the person looking back at me from the mirror. I do not have the desire to do any of the things that at one time gave me pleasure. I do not like the same things that I used to like. I don't know who I am anymore.

**********************************************************************************

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. Psalm 57:1