I finished the afghan that I was crocheting for my son and daughterinlaw. It is in hunter green with a variegated hunter green mix with mauve, navy, and tan. The shell pattern isn't very clear; but I am not a professional photographer. I am not even an amateur photographer, haha.



This is what I like to call my log cabin quilt afghan. One of many quilt pattern afghans that I will crochet, I hope. I was crocheting on one year before last, but quit. At the time I didn't know something was wrong with me; I found I couldn't concentrate on the pattern and it was complicated with several different new stitches; my fingers cramped and hurt, too. I am going to start back on it, now that I have finally finished a crochet project.


This is my circle in a square afghan. I was using my leftover yarns so I call it a quilt afghan because I was using scraps to crochet the circles.

Crocheting was my stress reliever and it felt good to be holding the crochet hook again.

Today I was able to do something I have never done before. To some it may sound totally unnecessary and to some it may be something you believe is wrong. Well to be truthful I believe both in some context.

I went to a casino. I gambled. It was okay, no need to worry about it becoming a habit. I wasted $20. But I wanted to go because it was something I have never done. Not that I want to do everything that is offered in the world. There are just some things that I feel that I ought to be able to do if I choose to do it. If it doesn't hurt anyone or any thing; isn't it okay? Am I tempting fate? Am I hurting myself?

I think about the things I thought I would be doing by the time I reached my age. Teenage ideas that I day dreamed about before I married. Things that I thought all married couples naturally did; like going out to eat every Friday night, going to church on Sundays, taking care of the house and yard together, vacation every year, etc.

As it has turned out; nothing, not one thing is the way I naively thought it would be. It turned out that my life is totally opposite of my dreams. I told myself that this year I will try to turn some things around. I pray for guidance to know the things that I need to change and to leave alone the things I can't or shouldn't; so I won't be under so much stress and unhappiness.

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To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Ecclesiatstes 3:1-8

A few days of rain has set in and it has been a blah day. Blah, is that a word? Maybe not but it sounds like the way I feel. Blah. I eagerly await the return of sunshine and a cerulean blue sky. Another week is almost over and the first month of the new year.

I have made the money for the car payment and I have a three days left in January. Yea!!!!!!! I will have money left over to carry into next month; which is good because February only has 28 days. And I found a recipe for banana spice cake that I want to try. If it is especially good, I will see if my customers like it.

The calcium supplements have not stopped my tremors and tingling. The tremors feel like they are getting worse or stronger. Before the surgery, I only felt them when I woke up in the morning, before I got out of bed. I never had them during the day. Since the surgery it is a constant feeling that is worse in the evenings.

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Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely, and thy foot shall not stumble. When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet. Proverbs 3:23-24

My older sister called me this morning and asked me if I realized that if this year was mom and dad's fiftieth wedding anniversary, then she was born before they were married. She said that she knew that wasn't right so their fiftieth must have been last year.

Of course I became very upset. Last year I had this discussion with her but she was telling me I was wrong because I was the one saying mom and dad were going have their golden anniversary and I wanted to plan something special.

I had even called mom last year; trying to find out if I was totally out of mind. All she would do was laugh about my sister saying she must be illegimate if I was thinking it was their fiftieth. And everyone went along with my sister. So I gave up and kept my mouth shut as usual. I told myself okay, I was figuring up the wrong dates. I sent my parents a golden anniversary card this year and mom didn't say anything about it when she called and thanked me for it.

I called mom today and asked her if this year was the fiftieth or fifty first. She said it is their fifty first. I told her I had wanted to give them a party for their fiftieth but we got the dates mixed up. She said that was okay it was just like another day. So, I guess it was better that it worked out like it did.

I was very excited to see a red headed woodpecker the other day. It has been a few years since I have seen one around here. Well, I didn't see it by my house; I was on the way to the store and saw it in a tree along side the road. Good thing no one was behind me, 'cause I slammed on my brakes when I saw it. I do love watching birds. There used to be a pileated woodpecker nesting in a tree by the house. The first time I heard its call; I thought some wild dangerous animal inhabited my woods. I miss hearing it; I would like for one to nest near by again.

I did some research on robins and found several interesting articles. I wanted to check out what grandma always said about the robin being a sign of spring. Several websites did agree; several also said it is a myth. I will agree with my wise granny.

The weather has been wonderful and I am looking forward to planting some vegetables. I didn't try growing anything last year but I told K I want to this year. Year before last, I stayed aggravated with the deer eating the plants and what the deer didn't eat the armadillos dug up. But I love growing things and I keep trying.

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Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. Quicken me, O Lord, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble. And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant. Psalms 143:10-12

I found this information in a magazine article I was reading-

How many calories are burned walking one mile?

This will vary depending on the individual, speed walked, terrain, etc. An average is 100 calories per mile.


I am counting calories to make sure I have 600 calories a day. I walk an hour a day and that is suppose to average four miles with my pedometer. If this is true; I should look like a zipper when I turn sideways and stick out my tongue. But it ain't happening. hahaha I know, I know, the article says it depends on certain things. I just thought it was interesting.

I have my first poison ivy rash. I was surprised that it didn't show up Thursday when I was working in the yard. It shows up after two days and after two baths. I know that is poison ivy because one of my sons always had bouts of it. But I never had to worry about it; until now.

Fat, sassy, robins have been sunning their feathered bodies in the yard. They are suppose to be a sign of warm weather. Why are they hanging around when the wind chill is twenty degrees? I hope they will be tweeting about warm weather real soon.

Back to kitchen for me, the oven timer is beeping.

Yesterday, my dad and mom came over and we spent the day, getting my yard looking respectable. K and I haven't had a riding lawn mower or push mower for a couple of years. We paid someone to cut the grass a few times. Now that I have the car payment, we can't afford to do that. My dad bought a riding mower last month and has decided he will keep my grass cut for me. He said he's not doing it for K , he's doing it for me. All he wants in return is to hear three words- I Love You.

My beautician gave me a new hair color. I was kinda skeptical when she suggested using a medium blonde on my brown hair. But she said it wouldn't change my hair color it would just turn the gray(white?) into highlights. So I said why not? And I like it. Now I look sun kissed. HaHaHa My hair looks golden brown and that brightened my complexion and I don't look so pale and colorless. Hair color can be very elating.

Okay, a little bit about my bread making. December of 2002, K told me about a lady that had been baking and selling her banana nut bread at a store by the house and it sold real good. She moved and he thought I should bake mine and sell it. I thought why not; it couldn't hurt. I make the mini size-3x5. I started out with banana nut; gradually adding pumpkin pecan, and lemon blueberry. Last year I decided to try mini loaf cakes and they are good sellers, too. The favorite is chocolate walnut. This year, I began selling mini pecan pies.

I haven't thought about selling them on the web. I don't use a vacuum sealer but I plan on getting one. The health department here, just requires a label with ingredients and the date prepared. They allow me to use plastic wrap. I want to create my own labels and use the vacuum sealer but I don't have that much of a profit margin. The candy gives me a bigger profit. I made $20 from one batch of peanut butter candy; that is why I have been looking for more great tasting candy recipes. It is something I enjoy doing and it gives us extra money.

It has been real cold this past couple of days. It might not be cold compared to the weather in other parts of the country; but to a southerner who is used to warm humid weather, temperatures in the low twenties are bone chilling.

All my bread sold over the weekend. I have reached my goal of one hundred dollars by mid-month. Yea for me!!!!! I think I have figured out what I need to do to reach my goal of two hundred dollars a month. Of course I hope to do better; but I at least need to sell enough every month to make my car payment.

I have found some candy recipes that I am going try. I need to see how much they cost to make and if they are excellent in taste. I want people to keep coming back for more; as they do my bread.

I have been feeling a little better since I began taking the calcium supplements. That is, I don't have pain in my knee all the time. To me, that is an improvement. I still have tremors, tingling, and twitching. But something is different; I don't feel like I'm in a fog. My mind seems clearer.

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I will lift up mine eye unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2

I had another memory episode today. It is upsetting when this happens. I bought two shirts to wear with a warm up suit I thought I had bought when I bought my other warm ups. I knew that I didn't have any larger size shirts to match it. I had bought larger tops for my other two and I was wanting to wear something different; something in a brighter color.

I searched all through my closet; I couldn't find it. Then I went to my other closet where I store my out of season clothes, thinking maybe I hadn't moved it to my bedroom closet yet. It isn't there. It isn't in my chest of drawers. I guess I didn't buy it like I thought. Now I have two shirts that don't go with anything I own. At least I can take them back and get a refund.

This memory is the opposite of the one I had about the food processor. I don't remember buying it; but for some reason I have a memory of buying a tan colored warm up suit. I remember looking at it and trying it on. The memory is so strong that I have bought shirts to match the color.

I am concerned that I might have other false memories.

It has been warm for january and I have been seeing a lot of early flowers blooming. My closet neighbor's narcissus are real pretty right now. It is a shame there is suppose to be a freeze tonight.

I have started crocheting on my afghan again. I want to get it finished so I can start on one with bright spring colors. I have had to unravel some rows but I am determined to stick with it, even if I have to stomp my feet in fustration a few times. hahaha

I have come up with a new plan to save money. I am going to let K go to the grocery store from now on. We saved a lot of money after my surgery when he was doing the shopping. I gave K the list and he always bought just what I had wrote down. When I go, I always pick up stuff we don't need and I spend more than what is necessary. I have felt so much better since God opened my eyes to this idea. I was worrying and I reminded myself, as I have too many times to number, when I pray and listen, God always shows me the way to solve my problems. I don't always obey, but He always answers. My God is an awesome God.

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The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever. He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. Psalm 103:8-11

As I was going to the mailbox this morning; I had a heart fluttering fright. A dark shadow flowed across me and a rush of wind fluffed my hair. I let escape a scream and bent towards the ground. After a few seconds, I uncovered my head and opened my eyes. I saw a broad wing span and a round body flying away from me. When it curved towards the woods behind the house, I saw that it was an owl. I calmed down and enjoyed the sight. A few years ago, one would perch in an oak tree across the road at night. Its eyes were so big and bright that every time we walked past our living room window, you could see them glowing. A few times at night one has perched on the electrical wires in front of the house.

I found this web site that has the recorded sounds of the barred owl. I have always called them a hoot owl. That is the only name I've ever heard. When the owls start calling during the day; they have an unsettling but beautiful sound. The recorded sounds are good but they don't have the depth or dimension of what I hear in my own back yard.

I mailed in the first payment for the car. This new bill I have asked K to take on is bothering me. I just knew I would be able to cover the car note with my bread money. The past two years I averaged $200 a month. Last month I made $88 dollars. So far this month I have only made $55 dollars. I should have made at least a hundred by the middle of the month. It seems that since I signed the papers for the car, my business has dropped and I am worried. Today I baked 20 loaves and that should catch me up. I am going to keep track of how quickly they sell or don't sell and come up with a new strategy to pick my sells back up.

I am looking for new candy recipes that are inexpensive and that I can make a big profit on after expenses. Another lady has cornered the market on fudge and pralines so I need a new idea. I am hoping that selling candy will help make extra money to help with the increased auto insurance and car payment until I get to feeling normal again.

A Prayer for Humility

Take me and break me and make me, dear God,
Just what you want me to be-
Give me the strength to accept what You send
And eyes with the vision to see
All the small arrogant ways that I have
And the vain little things that I do,
Make me aware that I'm often concerned
More with myself than with You,
Uncover before me my weakness and greed
And help me to search deep inside
So I may discover how easy it is
To be selfishly lost in my pride-
And then in Thy goodness and mercy
Look down on this weak, erring one
And tell me that I am forgiven
For all I've so willfully done,
And teach me to humbly start following
The path that the dear Savior trod
So I'll find at the end of life's journey
"A Home in the city of God."

Helen Steiner Rice

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O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. Psalm 62:1-3

Today, the doctor told me I have hungry bone syndrome. I didn't think I would find any info about it but when I googled, I found a lot of pages.

I was told to take a "tums" three times a day with meals and to continue my vitamin supplement because my phosphorus count is still very low. All my blood work came back normal. I am not anemic and I don't have a vitamin D deficiency. I was told I should eventually start to feel better. My next appointment is scheduled for April.

I am sitting here with my face and mouth tingling, my whole body feels like I have a chill. But if I were to put on a sweater; I would still be trembling. I was feeling just this way when I was told I was taking too much calcium so I don't know how taking calcium again is suppose to help.

My headaches have started again. The doctor asked me if I have a lot of stress in my life and I fell apart and started crying. This young man called me sweetie and asked me if I would like to talk to him about my problems. I got control of myself and told him no I didn't want to talk to him. He said that the parathyroid problem that I am having will cause me to be depressed and offered to refer me to a psychologist. If I thought I would be talking to an older person who has handled problems like mine, instead of all these young trainees who haven't, I might consider it. The older wiser people in my life tell me I should get a divorce. But I have a better marriage in some ways than a lot of other women. I don't have the skills to get a good paying job to take care of myself. Money would improve a lot of things where I am at right now. One thing, I would be able to get a second opinion on what is exactly wrong with me. I am caught in a vicious circle of circumstance and now bad health has been added to it. I haven't figured out how to get off this mad roller coaster but I am working on it.

I have been in awe of the lists of favorites that people post on their blogs at the end of the year. I told myself that I was going to do that last year. Well, actually, I have told myself that for two years. But I can't seem to remember to write down movies, books, songs or anything really. Then when I ask myself the question, "what is your favorite---?"; I don't remember everything that I have read or seen or heard. The one thing I do remember about last year is that I didn't read, watch, or listen to very much.

My number one book has always been my Bible. All the answers I need I find there. In 2004, God led me to the author, Nancy Moser. Her series about surrendering to God has been very helpful to me. For a long time I have been a "Jonah", not wanting to listen to God's instructions for me. I run in the opposite direction and I end up lost in the belly of a whale until I say yes to God and He leads me out. Thank you God for helping up when I stumble.

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When my soul fainted within me I remembered the Lord: and my prayer came in unto thee, into thine holy temple. They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy. But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving, I will pay that that I have vowed. Salvation is of the Lord. And the Lord spake unto the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land. Jonah 2:7-10

I was sweeping the front porch when I heard a bird chittering in anger. I paused and looked around trying to spot the feathered friend and what might be causing the upset. I found the bird in an azalea bush beside the house but couldn't figure out what was causing the commotion. At first glance I thought it was a wren but was over come with excitement at the beautiful green color of the small bird. I have never seen one of this color and the picture doesn't do it justice. I have researched and I believe it is a tennessee warbler. If anyone knows what kind of bird it is, please let me know. I have been watching for it but I haven't spotted it again.

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The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
Psalm 28:7

I went to the charity hospital this morning, to the lab. They took four tubes of blood. We left home early to try and be in the first rush of people so I wouldn't be so long. I was number nine and still had to stand in line over an hour. I didn't take one of the seats even though I was there early and could have; I let the older people sit down. My feet started tingling after I had been standing about 30 minutes. If you have ever used a foot massager you will have some kind of understanding about the feeling. I felt waves of tingling going across my feet and the longer I stood the more intense the feeling became. I tried walking to help lessen the feeling and kept praying they would hurry up and call my name. My face was starting to tingle, too. I guess because I was getting tired.

I have explained to the doctor each time I have went to the clinic, that when I get tired or towards evening, my whole body feels like it is quivering. I don't see anything when I look at my feet or my arms and legs but I feel it on the inside. It is hard to describe. My face and muscles are not twitching as often as they had been; but it still happens. This afternoon I went to the grocery store and now I am very tired and my whole insides feel shaky as a bowl of jello. I have the impression if I was to go and look in a mirror that I would see my skin all lumpy with movement. Like big ol' bugs were crawling under my skin. I hope to goodness they find something this time with the tests and give me some medicine.

Happy 2005 ya'll!!!!! It has been a very dreary day for the first one of the year. Last night my newly married son and daughter-in-law took me out to eat at a seafood restaurant. We even had some fried alligator; it was good. I really enjoyed myself.

My husband gave me a birthday card to celebrate my 50th birthday. haha We do make a pair with both of us having a memory problem. When I reminded him that I am not fifty yet, he actually argued with me that I was. He counted on his fingers and finally decided that I was right. He tells me, "well you got a card anyway." hahaha

Thanks everyone for your birthday wishes; you truly helped to make the day brighter.

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Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all your idols, will I cleanse you. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them. Ezekeil 36:25-27