We had sad news from the doctor today. K is going into heart failure. They have referred us to hospice care.

K has weeping edema in his legs. The fluid has also collected around his lungs and heart. The doctor said his lymph glands are not working right. The doctor said he had so much fluid that even if K stood on his head the fluid would just collect somewhere else. But told K to try elevating his feet and legs for short periods of time to get some relief. This doctor also said that K had a lot of salt in his body. I told him that he is only drinking water and two ensures a day; where is the salt coming from? Of course they look at you like you are telling stories. But it is true; water, ensure, and nicotine, that is all K is taking each day. He is down to 200 pounds and probably most of that is the extra fluid in his body.

K has given up; now he is using the bed, has asked for a bed pan, I am worried he will not want to get out of it.

******************************************

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence, I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Psalm 62:5-8

Blogger is changing again. Is anything ever going to stay the same? I haven't changed to the new blogger yet, 'cause I didn't know what I would be getting into and the intro said once you change over you can't switch back to the old blogger. If anyone has changed, can you let me know what to expect? I have not been practicing with my html like I used to do. I am afraid it would be too complicated for my limited knowledge.

In answer to a question in comments; a family member had received some money in a settlement he had been waiting on and gave us the money to help with getting some home care items for K.

The fluid in K's legs and feet is not disappearing as fast as I thought it would. Possibly because he still will not get out of the chair and onto the bed to elevate his feet. His legs are so red; I am afraid the skin is going to split. And he just sits there like he doesn't care.

He is sleeping constantly now which is causing neck pain because he is hunched over in the wheelchair. The sleeping makes him late with his medicine and he isn't drinking as much fluid as he was last week. The doctor said he needed to drink plenty because of the lasix. I try to wake him up but most of the time he ignores me. I get so frustrated 'cause I see it as he's not trying to take care of his self and he isn't listening to me and it causes me to raise my voice when I talk to him. He tells me to stop hollering at him and then I have to leave the room when the tears start to fall from my eyes. Why isn't he wanting to try and get well? Well, I guess you could say that is what I am feeling. I don't really know what he is feeling; he still won't talk to me.

He won't eat and I can only get him to drink two protein drinks a day. He has developed a sore on his behind. We have a salve that gives him some relief. I try to explain to him that if he would lay on the bed on his side it would help the sore to heal quicker; but he refuses. With the combination of painkillers, not eating or drinking enough and sitting in the wheelchair 24/7, he is also constipated. The doctor told him to take sennacoc. Still he has trouble; but, my lands, if you are not eating, how can you make poop? I tried to ask the doctor, he just says you have to eat to be healthy. Duh! I know this from my own experience, but you can't really make a person eat. As the old saying goes-you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

********************************

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

We have spent the day at the charity clinic seeing the lung specialist. She sent K for some chest xrays to check for fluid in his lungs because of the amount of fluid in his legs and feet. His legs and feet are swollen to three times their size and fluid is leaking out through the skin. They are like a wet sponge; when you press on them liquid comes out and his pants legs and socks stay wet. He won't keep them elevated. He says he can't lay down because it causes his back to hurt. And he wants to sit in the wheelchair 24/7. The doctor prescribed lasix to see if that will help. She said it might not if K's nerve endings are too damaged. We have to wait and see.

God has lifted me up once again. His blessings never cease to amaze me. Most of the time I allow my humanness to cause me to stumble. Two weeks ago jealousy almost got the best of me. A co-worker was recently diagnosed with colon cancer and the daycare where I work decided to sponsor a fund raiser for her. When our boss told us; by immediate thought was why didn't they offer to do one for my husband. Oh, yeah, I was mad and hurt, and I was glad that my coworker was getting help. Her and her husband have insurance but I know how hard it is going to be for them. We on the other hand have no insurance and for six months we were living on $500 a month and what was given to us.

On the way home, the Comforter came to me. I was in tears and asking why. Why her and not us? God reminded me to be thankful, we were helped my many, we had our benefit and it was enough to help us get by. And K does have the charity hospital to go to and it isn't costing us anything. Then God said to bless my coworker with a hundred dollars. I naturally said, you have got to be kidding, we need that money. But He said she needs it too, I want you to bless her.

When I got home I told K about what the daycare was planning and that God put it in my heart to give a hundred dollars to my coworker. He knew who I was talking about because he had met her at the cancer treatment center a couple of times when they had treatments on the same day. He told me he thought we should bless her as others had blessed us. I did exactly that and was brought to my knees to thank God when we were blessed with five hundred dollars that was given to us a few days afterward. My God is an awesome God.

**************************************

The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.
Proverbs 11:25