Another friday, I am so glad. I worked in the infant room this week because the woman that works from six a.m. to two p.m. was on vacation. It was quite a challenge. The room where I usually work has a schedule. All six babies eat at the same time and sleep at the same time and usually we change their diapers at the same time unless a baby poos of course; naturally he or she gets a diaper change. To me, the infant room was continuous movement. When I got one to sleep, another woke up; when I got one fed, another wanted a bottle and when I got one diaper changed, I smelt another stinky poo; when I wiped up one spit up, there was another spit up to wipe up, when I got one to stop crying, another one would start crying. Oh my goodness, babies, babies, babies!!!!!! The giggles and coos made all the difference and I did enjoy the snuggling.

A coworker and friend surprised me with a card wednesday. She is the woman that was undergoing cancer treatment the same time as my husband. She is back at work and doing good. She said she had wanted to give it to me after valentine's day but we kept missing each other at work. Of course I had to cry when I read the note she wrote inside the card. She had written that she knew my first valentine's day without Kenny must have been difficult. The message on the card was perfect for the way I had been feeling too. I want to share the message on the card.


What you don't need is one more person telling you everything is going to be okay.
That all you really need to feel better is new shoes, more chocolate or a bubble bath...
You and I are smart enough to know that sometimes there are no quick fixes, and things like this just happen...
I'm here for you, if ever, whenever, and however you need me to be.

I guess everyone thinks I am fine. Or maybe they have forgotten my loss, they don't live with it daily as I do. Having someone remember that my husband died and know that it hurt to see roses being delivered to the other wives at work and to actually speak of it; did my heart good.

I was getting kinda settled with my emotions and surroundings; kinda believing I could live this life, when the devil causes me to stumble again. I was feeling confident that things were working out and falling into place. I was at peace until friday evening. I came home from work and found that my house had been broken into. Nothing was taken, which is puzzling, but the person had pawed through my belongings. Not that I wanted them to take anything. The idea that they took the time to break a window and the back door, and hang around to go through my cabinets and drawers, and then not take the dvd player or tv or computer or cd player or guns for their trouble is a mystery to me. Now I have trouble sleeping at night because I am so scared.

The policeman that came to the house said that he didn't think the criminals actually came into the house because of the fact that nothing was missing. Like I always leave drawers partially open with stuff sticking out of them.

I am rethinking about living here by myself. But nowhere is totally safe. My sister wants me to get a pistol and sleep with it under my pillow. That I do not want to do. So she suggested I set up booby traps like the little boy did in the movie, "Home Alone". I told her I would probably have a heart attack if I heard someone in the house. Just knowing that someone was in the house when I wasn't here caused my heart to skip beats.

January 31st, my granny turned 102. I wonder how it must feel to be that old. She doesn't talk much; she will say only a couple of words at a time or just smile when you ask her a question, so I can't ask her. I know I don't want to live that long.

She hasn't had any health problems until recently. She had cataract surgery in her nineties. Now she is on blood pressure medicine. Up until two weeks ago she was able to walk to the bathroom. She is a truly amazing woman.

Robins are plentiful in this area. Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow; I have my fingers crossed. I am so hoping for an early spring. We have had a cold snap but are luckier than most of the northern states so I have to count my blessings. My toes are doing good this winter; only one chilblain, so far. I am being real careful with my feet.

It has been a long week. I worked 48 hours this week. Two days I listened to nonstop crying. When we were able to get some of the crying babies to sleep, others would start crying. Five p.m. yesterday, I had to leave my room or leave my job. I had been up since four a.m. to be at work by six. When I had to talk to my co-worker, I had to raise my voice to be heard. Closed in a small area with twelve babies and at least eight of them crying at one time drains you physically and emotionally. And when you have to holler to talk, well, you can imagine. I told my boss I had had all I could take. But I took a fifteen minute break and drank a cup of coffee and went back in to the lion's den and finished my twelve hours and went back today.

Today was a little better. The crying was down to a minimum. I expect crying, that goes along with the job. It is the days when all the babies feel like crying and I can't hold all of them at the same time, that I open the door to my room and holler real loud, I quit!