I am really liking my long weekend. I had saturday to re-energize and two more days to do something. I wish I did not have to work so many hours. But I shouldn't complain; at least I do have a job and it pays the bills. Thank you God.

I have been upset and blue today because I neglected the rose bushes K planted for me in remembrance of him and they have died. It hurts my heart that I let this happen. I have never had what my granny called a green thumb; inside and outside plants do not live long, while in my care. I do know I could have taken better care of the rose bushes than I did; knowing that when he gave me and then planted the rose bushes he said that this was the last thing that he would be able to do for me.

I have been having trouble going to bed on weekends; I am afraid at night by myself. I seem to hear all kinds of noises and I do not rest well. I am assuming I always look tired because co-workers mention how bad I look all the time. It is strange; I can go to bed during the week; even if I don't sleep well. On friday and saturday night, I am restless or edgy or something. I can not fall asleep till after midnight. Even if I take something to help me sleep.

I am thinking about selling the house. I am considering borrowing the money to make repairs and pay off the loan when I sell the house. The house is in bad need of major repairs. We lived in like it is; but I do not believe anyone would consider buying it like it is. If I sold the property I would probably get only what the land is worth and nothing for the house. I did also think of fixing it up and renting it out and letting the rent pay for the loan. I would then eventually have extra income. Where I would live with the house gone is another big question. Even if I wanted to ask someone to come and live with me, I would have to have the repairs done. But I don't think I could share living space with just anyone.

I have not taken the property through succession yet, so I can't do anything with it right now. I am going to start that process on my next week day off.

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O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay thy stones with fair colours, and lay thy foundations with sapphires. And I will make thy windows of agates, and thy gates of carbuncles, and all thy borders of pleasant stones. And all thy children shall be taught of the Lord; and great shall be the peace of thy children. In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee.
Isaiah 54:11-14

Another weekend has ended; I have gotten to the point that I get excited about those two, not long enough, days. I don't really do anything and I think that is what I enjoy so much. No crying babies, no messy hineys to change, no runny noses to wipe and not watching a clock to see how much longer I have to work. The quietness of saturday and sunday is awesome. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I love my babies; I have to have a break to build of my inner strength.

I do grow to love the children I care for and it is hard when they are promoted to the next room. When the last group I took care of was promoted, two of children's parents went to the director to ask that their children be held back so they could stay with me. Of course that couldn't be allowed because the children were walking and had to go to the toddler room. This past week when I told three of the parents that their child would be promoted to the toddler room in two weeks, they asked me if I could move to the toddler room with the children. I had to tell them that I don't decide which class I work, the director assigned me the creeper room when I was hired two years ago. I feel honored that the parents trust me with the responsibility of caring for their children.

Five months have passed since K's passing. I feel like the dark cloud is slowly moving from over me and the sun is touching my face once again. I find myself singing at odd moments, like I used to do and realize that I haven't done that in a while.

It is May 5th, and I know I haven't blogged in a while. I assume it is from the long days at work and when I am at home I crash. Plus I have dial-up internet; I am usually on the phone keeping touch with everyone after work and then it is late and I am ready to sleep, not get on the internet. When I had cable internet hook-up, I did both, talking on the phone while I was blogging, good ol' multi-tasking.

I miss the long hours I spent with html and especially the animated images I had collected. I lost all those when I changed to the dial up internet provider. I loved playing around with my page, changing it with my moods. I can't do that with my house and it gave me pleasure to be able to change even the color of my blog page. I guess I miss really enjoying something. I have not enjoyed doing anything for some time now. I do not even read anymore. My life is work and sleep; that's it. I must say that I do love the work I do. That is a big plus in my life right now. Praise God.

My electric bill for last month was $57; $8.67 of that was for the security light. Everyone is shocked at how low it is because the house is total electric, no gas appliances. I am never home to use electricity except the weekend. I am hoping it stays about that low when I start using the central air conditioner. Oh, I know the bill will go up and just hope it stays lower than what it was when we used central air every day.

My part of the world is really pretty right now. The green of the plant life and the blue of the sky are jewel-like in their glowing colors. All the blossoms of the plants are an extra bonus of color. I love spring and fall because of all the colors God paints the earth with during the changing of the seasons. To me, the colors are absolutely breathtaking.

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Grace be to you and peace from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.
II Corinthians 1:2-5