It has been unbelievably cold. Everything that had bloomed during the warm days; the frost killed. But that is what happens in the south. The weather can go hot and cold during the same day. You never know how to dress, when you get up in the morning.

My work days have improved. I think I am just learning how to grin and bear it a little better. My co-worker is looking for another job. We are a good team and I worry that I will have to work with someone I don't get along with when she leaves. I still want to go to school. I think about it all the time. I would really like to be a respiratory technician.

K is getting weaker and I have noticed that is getting forgetful. He will ask me a question and a few minutes later ask me the same question again. He doesn't remember whole conversations that we have. I know the reason could be emotional and not physical but it worries me.

I don't know how to talk to him; what to say to him to give him comfort. How do you offer comfort to a loved one that is dying? What words do you use? We need to talk seriously. We haven't done that. We haven't made plans for hospice care or his burial. We haven't even talked about it. He hasn't brought the subject up and I don't know the right words to mention it. He has never been a person to talk about his feelings or emotions.

************************************************

For thou wilt light my candle: the Lord my God will enlighten my darkness. For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried; he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. Psalm 18:28-32

Thursday, the doctor told K that the cancer is spreading. He said it is a mild increase; not to be alarmed. It must be easy for him to say "don't be alarmed", he isn't the one with cancer. I know I am very alarmed. He said he wants to see K every 6 weeks instead of every three months. Oh my heart is hurting.



*********************************

Remember me, God?
I come every day
Just to talk with You, Lord,
And learn how to pray.....
You make me feel welcome,
I need never explain
For You understand.....
I come to You frightened
And burdened with care
So lonely and lost
And so filled with despair,
And suddenly, Lord,
I'm no longer afraid,
My burden is lighter
And the dark shadows fade....
Oh, God, what a comfort
To know that You care
And to know when I seek You
You will always be there!

Helen Steiner Rice

I must correct my post about the groundhog prediction. It seems that Punxsutawney Phil predicted more cold weather. It was another groundhog from Georgia, Gen. Beauregard Lee, that predicted an early spring. I am waiting to see which will come true. I am hoping for an early spring.

Punxsutawney Phil says we will have six more weeks of mild weather. I hope that is true. Everything is budding and blooming around here. Today was gorgeous but gusty. I wanted to be up in the sky riding the wind. I told K I wanted him to tie a rope to me and let me float in the air. hahaha All he could say was I was too fat and I would never get off the ground. He has no imagination. Instead of riding the wind, I pulled out the weedeater and started a little yard work, boring but necessary. When I was finished my arms were shaky like jello. It is the strangest feeling.

My dad had a bad fall Tuesday. He was very lucky; he only had scrapes and bruises. He refused to go for an xray; just kept making jokes like, "you know concrete is hard." He did cooperate by not driving for a few days. Year before last, his neurologist told him he was entering the next phase of Parkinson's and that he would start falling easily. He has stumbled and fell a few times, this was his second worst or really bad fall.

This week was the first time I had real strong feelings about quitting my job. Everyday this week, all the kids were crying and inconsolable. Thursday, I had to fight to control my tears; I almost lost it. I fought the urge to call in sick yesterday. I told myself I needed a full paycheck and went to work and survived another week of taking care of babies. Thank goodness it is only four hours a day. But it is the four hours that all the kids are tired and unhappy. When I get there they have been inside this 18' x 18' room for eight hours all ready and they want their mothers. Naturally, they are going to be upset and whiny. Several of the parents make it in time to pick their children up in just under the 12 hour limit that the law allows for children to be in daycare a day. I know the mothers are not working twelve hour days because I know where they work. They go home from work and come get the kids right before we close. It is so sad. Only some of the parents come straight from work to pick up their kids. The children are there only as long as necessary. And when the mother or father is off of work, the children stay home.

K is getting weaker. I have talked to him about using the oxygen and reminded him that lack of oxygen in his blood is what put him in the hospital before. I hope that the oxygen will help him feel better and it is not the cancer getting worse. We will only know the answer if he will decide to start using the oxygen. I know he will get worse but I felt in my heart that we would have more time. He is considering filing for disability again. I will believe it when it happens. He is always mentioning it, but not following through. I told him I will do whatever he wants; it is his decision. I can only help if I know what he wants and needs.

*******************************************************

Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Psalm 1:1-3