K is in intensive care; not doing good. He was having trouble breathing and I took him to the emergency room. We were told while in the emergency room that he is in stage D of prostate cancer. They showed me the test results of his bone scan. He has tumors all over his skeleton; even his skull. They took an xray of his lungs and said they saw something suspicious looking and will do a cat scan today. My heart is breaking again and again. I came home to try and sleep; but sleep is impossible right now. Pray for us.

The internet comes and goes. I happened to walk into the room, glance at the modem and spotted the light, so I am doing a quick blog to see if I can post it before the service disappears again.

I have a summer cold and I'm coughing so much it feels like my head might explode. I am spraying lysol like crazy because I don't want to give my cold to K.

Since my last post K. was fired from his job because he was falling asleep all the time. I knew the day was coming but of course was hoping not so soon. He has been filling out job applications but no one has called back. He filled out an application with FEMA because they are hiring in this area for all types of jobs because of the hurricane. Speaking of hurricanes, I see that we may have another storm coming our way. I will be getting a generator even if I have to make monthly payments.

Things happen for a reason and I know God has a plan. Pray for us to know the right choices we must make.

Finally, I am connected to the world again. Thanks to all who have had me in their prayers. In has been a very unsettling period in my life, added to what is already in my heart with K's cancer.

There are still so many people without electricity that sometimes I want to lie when someone asks if we have power yet. For a while we did not have phone service. Cell phones did not even work. You could not call and tell anyone you were all right. I still have my home, and no family member was injured or lost their home. We have been very blessed. I personally, did not have any damage from hurricane Katrina. We had some oak trees come down but they fell away from the house. What I found unusual was that the oak trees were blown down instead of pine trees. Huge oak trees were toppled over and pine trees that were next to them were still standing. But we were all left without electricity. My dad did have a small generator and was able to keep his food from spoiling.

We lost everything that was in our chest freezer and in our refrigerator/freezer. The shelves at the grocery stores are bare due to the thousands of evacuees in our area. It gives me a funny feeling to go into Walmart and see all the empty shelves. I do not like to go to the store because I don't feel safe. We have had many burglaries in homes and at parking lots, cars have been broken into and stuff stolen. People are stealing generators off of porches. Lines at the gas stations are hours long. Tempers flare and there have actually been shootings over gas. I am finally getting a routine going and things are somewhat as they used to be.

The church, Judson Baptist Church, that operates the daycare where I work has opened its doors to evacuees. You may have seen it on the news. Oprah even called and talked to some of the church members.

My heart breaks all over again every time I see the pictures of the devastation on the news. If Katrina had came a little more to the northwest, it could have been us. Every minute of every day I say thank you, Jesus.

When the news came out about emergency food stamps; the way that this part of the state, that I live in, reacted left me nauseous. I actually cried because some of my family and friends was included in the frenzy. Every body wanted food stamps even though they were able to buy food. They wanted their share of the government funds. People showed up with lawn chairs and ice chests to wait twenty hours for their turn to tell made up stories to increase their ill gotten gains. This all made the wait longer for those that the program was started for and were actually in need. Every time someone wants to know if I went "and stood in line" my spirit lifts as I tell them no.

K has been in a lot of pain. The loritabs are not helping. We went today for his bone scan. The radiologist did not tell us anything. After looking at the scan, he ask K where his pain was the worst. K's next doctor's appointment is not until October 16.

Working at the daycare has really been draining my energy. Saturdays I am sleeping most of the day. Last night I barely was able to drive home. I came in and made myself eat something and then crawled in the bed a little after seven. I was more than thrilled to be off today even though it was to go with K for his bone scan. I shouldn't have been as happy as I was. I felt so so guilty for feeling this way. And I don't want to go back to work Monday. If we didn't need the money so bad, I would quit. I am praying for the strength to continue because we will need the money to pay for K's pain medication and to pay bills when K can't work. I need a job that will not tire me so much.

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Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:1-5