Thinking Problems

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I am giving another try at posting. Just one more. The blogger monster has eaten three attempts already. I don't know why I am trying again. I guess I am stubborn.

Today, was rough for me. I realized that it is getting harder for me to do things; small things that used to come so easily. I have to really put my brain in gear to use the phone, the tv remote, the stove, any appliance with buttons. I have trouble remembering how to write a check, even spell words. It comes back to me but slowly. It's like, "oh, yeah, that's right, this button" but sometimes with the stove I automatically turn a knob and it's the wrong one. Now I try to remind myself to slow down and think carefully.

I hope the surgery brings me back without a long recovery. This is scary. I think I will hold off driving for a while. I am afraid I might forget something important.

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My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Psalm 62:5-7

Googling

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Went back to the charity for my final test. We had to get up early to get ready to leave for a 7:00 appointment. I didn't sleep again last night so I laid back down at 1:00 and slept till 4:00. The only reason I woke up then was because the electricity went off and I was sweating. I wonder why I can sleep so good during the day but can't at night?

My mom is a cross word puzzle fanatic. And I have been assigned the job of fact finder. She called me today with a long list of sports facts that my dad couldn't answer. Before I was blessed with a computer her neighbor helped her. Before computers she called everyone she could think of that might know the answers. I have learnt quite a bit of info googling for mom.

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It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High: To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night, Upon an instrument of ten strings, and upon the psaltery; upon the harp with a solemn sound. For thou, Lord hast made me glad through thy work: I will triumph in the works of thy hands. O Lord, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep. Psalms 92:1-5

Went to the Doctor and the Doctor said...

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An interesting day but I'm still recovering. I heard too much new information when I talked with the doctor this morning.  One thing being, the surgery won't be Aug. 3.   But I'm okay with that.  I'm handling it pretty good.
 
The doctor is taking more tests to get info on all my endocrine glands. He suspects that my adrenal gland is causing my blood pressure problem and my daily headaches.  My blood pressure was 163/92 this morning. When I first started taking medication last year, my top number slowly dropped to 140 which is still not considered healthy.  But the past couple of months the number hovers around 160-170. The doctor thinks it might be pheochromocytoma. And he thinks maybe I am having trouble with my thyroid gland along with my parathyroid glands.  He is doing some thorough testing this week.  Hopefully there will be an opening Friday Aug. 6 for me to have surgery.

Also I ran into a friend I went to high school with at walmart today. She was telling me about her thyroid problems.  She didn't have to have hers removed; she is on medication. She told me that she was listening to a health show that was talking about thyroid problems being connected to aspartame.  She is a sugar substitute user since high school like me. She decided to stop for a week and see what would happen and swears the swelling has went down in her thyroid gland.  I did some research and found this page on aspartame.  I have decided to stop using sugar substitutes.

I wish I had been taught at a young age about eating healthy and taking care of your body so it can take care of you.  Things like that never entered my parents thoughts.  I was taught just a small amount about taking care of yourself at one school I attended during eighth grade.  I remember her fondly, Ms. Goins.  During study hall she would talk with us about cleanliness and junk food and excersise.  She would be working on a craft project at the desk; the class would be doing homework assignments and Ms. Goins would be talking to us. It was like sitting on a front porch having a conversation.  She would tell us  about things that children and young people should know and the little amount she shared stayed in my mind. 

Oh well, it is time for me to go prop my feet up and start slowing my mind down so I can try and get some deep sleep tonight. I woke up every hour last night and after grocery shopping today I am mentally and physically exhausted. I just wanted to share with you what the specialist said and now I will go rest.

 

I Will Give Thanks Unto Thee O Lord

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Today, I had a personal phone call from the endocrinologist that is with the charity hospital!  He told me he set up an appointment with the surgery clinic for this coming Monday. And has scheduled the surgery for August 3rd. Whoo-hoo!!!  This all came about because a very good friend of the family has been helping me by talking with a friend of his that is a surgeon. The friend's friend called the charity hospital and things are moving ahead.  Thank you God for the angels among us!!

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Blessed be the Lord, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalms 28:6-7

Tuesday

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Now for an update on the endocrinologist.  K. does not want to ask the specialist for "charity."  He would rather I go to the charity hospital. So I will have to go through the emergency room and enter my name into the system and wait until they have an opening.  I called and charity has  a part time endocrinologist and there is a waiting list.  I was wanting to go to a regular clinic and even pay so that I could already be on the road to getting better.  I know the Lord with take care of it for me the way He wants it to happen.
 
My sweet granny is not doing good. She does not want to eat and has lost seven pounds of what little weight she has.  My aunt has been taking her to every type of doctor she can think up because granny says her mouth hurts. Granny says that is why she refuses to eat or drink the protein shakes. The doctors can not find anything wrong. Granny is ninety-nine years old and I think she is just tired. Tired of being here on earth and needing someone to take care of her.  She has to wear adult diapers because she is losing control of her bodily functions.  In her younger days she always took care of everyone and everything and was always on the go at a quick pace. Now she isn't able to do anything on her own and I feel she is ready to give up.

I made myself leave the house this morning and go to wallyworld to get some much needed groceries.  It has become such a chore for me that I avoid it as long as possible. If I don't leave the house early in the morning I will not go anywhere.  I don't like shopping for food because I can't buy what I want; I have to just get the necessities. I have add everything up as I go  so I will know when to stop. And if I have too much in the grocery cart and I haven't picked up every thing I need; I have to start removing items from the cart. After all that hassle, I have to bring it home and put it up. Then the fun part, I have to decide what I am going to cook. Usually I don't want to cook anything that I brought home. Well today I surprised myself and I bought the worst things possible. I bought a week's worth of frozen meals. Isn't that awful!!!! They are full of sodium, fat and preservatives.  All the things I am not suppose to eat. But I cook and K.  wants junk food. I don't think it is right for me to stand all that time in the kitchen and do home cooking and he comes home and wants just a sandwich.  Then I eat for two or three days just so I don't have to throw it out. K.  doesn't eat leftovers the next day either.  Buying frozen dinners lets you know how tired I am because I love to cook. 

I have just about quick doing all my favorite things.  My brain and body does not want to do anything.  Some days all I want to do is sleep.  I don't fight it like I used to; I let my body rest, I sleep.

My mom has called me every day to ask me how I am feeling ever since I told her what the doctor said. Now I have  had this problem for several years and she never asked.  I guess it took a doctor saying it out loud.  But she is beginning to bug the hell out of me. I have told her that I will not feel better until I have treatment; it is not going to go away by itself.   This morning I told her I feel good, how do you feel?  Mom says, "Oh, what did you do different?" I have told her not to ask me how I am feeling anymore.  Also I asked her not to discuss me with anyone and she as told all the family and friends and a lot more people. How to I know this?  Mom let me know that I have a cousin and an aunt that had the surgery and she was surprised that no one had told her.  Duh!!!!!! Not everyone has my mom's compulsive disposition to tell it all on the grapevine.  She has diarrhea of the mouth and it gets her in trouble with the family but she hasn't learnt to stop, even at her age. But I count my blessings, I do have my mom.

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For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:8-10

New Stuff

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I have been away from blogger six days, and some changes have been made here.  'Bout the time I learn the new stuff; they throw some more trick in. Now I really like the idea of choosing font styles. And blogger has made it so easy. Just a click and you are writing a whole new way! And you can post in a different color without looking up the color code.

Another week has almost ended. It is Friday. I haven't heard from the endocrinologist. We have called his office twice and he hasn't returned the call.  I don't know how long I should wait on him to let us know something definite. I will probably call his office on Monday.

ON MY KNEES

There are days, when I feel the best of me, is ready to begin
Then there're days when I feel I'm letting go and soaring on the wind
I've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive

I get on my knees, I get on my knees
There I am before the Love that changes me
See I don't know how but there's Power when I'm on my knees

I can be in a crowd or by myself almost anywhere
When I feel there's a need to talk with God, he is Emmanel
When I close my eyes no darkness there, there's only Light

When I get on my knees, when I get on my knees
There I am before the Love that changes me
See I don't know how, I don't know how
But there's Power in the blue skies
I don't know how but there's Power in the midnight
I don't know how but there's power
When I'm on my knees

Nicole C. Mullen

 

Working on Changes

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Things have been moving slow around here. I can't believe or don't want to believe it is still raining everyday and more thunderstorms are predicted for next week.

The news on me seeing an endocrinologist is still questionable. If I go through charity, I can't get an appointment till October. Next week I am going to talk with a specialist to see if he will accept me as a paying patient without insurance. Maybe he will let us set up a payment plan or accept me as a charity case. Hopefully he will become my doctor and in a few weeks or less I will be on the road to recovery. If not I will wait till October.

The other thing is all these new bills that will have to be paid. I have two new prescriptions that thankfully my doctor gave me two months worth of samples. I haven't checked on what the prescriptions will cost yet. I have received my bill for the blood work and thank God it was only $350. If the endocrinologist will accept me, that will be another bill. I am trying to re-budget and not being any more successful than the last time.

One thing I am wanting to change around here is paying to watch television. I feel we are throwing money away. I am searching for a less expensive cable plan 'cause K. says we are keeping the cable hook up. I will be going back to dial up internet. Big savings there. I may me off line while these changes are being done. What I have checked into will save us about $40 a month. And that little bit will pay for my blood pressure medicine.

K. is telling me I will have to look harder for a job and not be choosy about where I want to work. I hope to be back to my old self soon and be so full of engery, I will have two jobs and unlimited amounts of money. I can see my new kitchen now!!! Whooo-Hoooo!!!

God, Grant Me the Glory of "Thy Gift"

God, widen my vision so I may see
The afflictions You have sent to me-
Not as a cross too heavy to wear
that weighs me down in gloomy despair-
Not as something to hate and despise
but as a gift of love sent in disguise-
Something to draw me closer to You
to teach me patience and forbearance, too-
Something to show me more clearly the way
to serve You and love You more every day-
Something priceless and precious and rare
that will keep me forever safe in Thy care
Aware of the spiritual strength that is mine
if my selfish, small will is lost in Thine!

Helen Steiner Rice

Test Results

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Today, I went to the doctor to hear the results of my blood tests.
I am still trying to sort the different feelings that ran through me as I listened to him explain what he had discovered:

A feeling of finally knowing I hadn't imagined that something was wrong with me. A feeling of fear that too much damage has been done to my body and may not be repairable. A feeling of panic that I always get when I have to have surgery.

Even when I am unconscious during surgery, my blood pressure sky rockets. Before I was ever diagnosed with high blood pressure I had a problem. I almost died during my last surgery because the doctors had trouble getting my blood pressure down. This time my blood pressure will be high before going into surgery.

This morning my blood pressure was 170/108 when the nurse took it at the doctor's office. She asked me if I was nervous. I told her I had been upset since the doctor had called me to come in and talk with him. I wasn't able to sleep at all last night. I have hypertension blood pressure and the least about of upset or stress causes it to jump high. The doctor changed one of my prescriptions because my blood pressure went up even more while I was still there.

The doctor told me I have hyperparathyroidism. I was amazed at the symptoms. It was like reading what I have been saying out loud for so many years.

I have to see a specialist, an endocrinologist. My doctor told me it would cost $250 just to walk through the door. So, I have to go to the charity clinic; the place I was trying to avoid. My doctor says I will have to have surgery to remove the gland. I hope the specialist has an alternate treatment.

One thing is that now I know why I have not felt like myself for a long time and I am finally on the road to recovery. Thank you God for loving me.

Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears: for I am a stranger with thee, and a sojourner, as all my fathers were. O spare me, that I may recover strength, before I go hence, and be no more. Psalms 39:12-13